


Lup ;Interupted

by cactipresident



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Barry is the only sane character, Magnus trusts one(1) cryptid, TAZ Balance, Taako doesn't trust anyone ever, Taako has a brand and the umbrella is part of it, Taako is canonicaly allergic to peanuts, alternative universe, canon typical cursing, except or Angus, most of the time anyway, spoilers for stolen century, wonderland is its own warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2019-11-06 07:23:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17935358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactipresident/pseuds/cactipresident
Summary: The umbrastaff breaks.But it's too soon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so there was a tumblr post going around,[This one specificaly](https://motherfuckingmagicbrian.tumblr.com/post/183030080737/okay-but-like-could-you-imagine-if-the-umbrastaff)  
> and i just had to write for it, might be more, haven't decided that for ahead yet..

It happened in Refuge.

It was a tiny thing at first, well not so tiny, but tiny in the grand scheme of disasters the tres horney boys managed to cause where ever they went.

Taako's umbrella broke.

The reclaimers stared at the crack along the handle before turning to the cause, one with a deadpanned look and the other with an amused 'you-dun-fucked-up' glint in his eyes. 

"I didn't mean to..." Merle sheepishly mumbled, his wooden arm scratching at his neck in embarrassment. 

"You sat on my umbrella." Taako monotoned back, "Your ass broke my wand."

"Hey, maybe when we die again, it'll be fixed!" Magnus helpfully put it, touching the crack with his finger lightly to see if the damage was really that bad or if Taako was just playing up the drama. He gave a quick hiss and pulled his hand away, shaking it to get rid of the pain that suddenly seemed to stab through his hand. 

"Stop touching it!" The elf yelled as he pulled away his umbrella from the human's indelicate hands. " You'll break it worse than Elder Big Ass over here."

"Hey!"

"Did your ass not break it?!"

"Hey... Taako... your thing is shaking..."

Taako looked over at Magnus incredulously before looking down at his wand and throwing it away from himself with a panicked yelp. His magical instrument had indeed begun shaking, seemingly getting more violent as the crack quickly traveled up the handle and into the cover of the umbrella.

"What did you do, Magnus?!"

"Why do you assume I did something?!"

"You touched it last!"

Merle pulled the two away from the now, as he saw it anyway, dangerous item, which was growing even more violent and started glowing red as they sat there arguing like children.

"Take cover!" The cleric shouted before shoving them away and jumping to cower behind a cactus as the glowing grew brighter, almost overpowering the blazing hot sun in heat and light.

The two seemed to realize this wasn't good in the slightest and followed suit, Magnus placing up his shield and Taako moving to go behind Merle, who didn't appreciate the meat shielding in the slightest.

Just as he was about to argue about this, the thing exploded.

Bits of fabric flew all over the place; wood splinters slammed against Magnus's shield with surprising force; the heat from the blast burned the sand surrounding the umbrella into a perfect circle of glass. All three were pushed back a couple of feet as they tried to regain their eyesight from the blinding flash.

"Are you trying to get into the Grim Reapers pants?!" Yelled a disembodied female voice, echoing across the canyon, "Because dying several times over and over is just going to get him to come crawling back!"

Magnus peeked over his shield timidly, wondering who the hell was yelling, before dropping it altogether in shock.

Standing in front of him was a red-robed woman, her hand on her hips and a smile gracing her face. But that wasn't the weird part. No, the weird part was that her face was an exact copy of Taako's.

"Taako, what the fuck."

Taako poked his head out from behind Merle, his face drawn in as much confusion as Magnus'. "My dude, I have no idea."

"Girl Taako?" Merle helpfully supplied.

"Girl Ta-" The woman stared almost offended, "Very funny, Merle. Fucking hilarious the first twenty times."

Her smile dropped when Magnus raised his Chance Lance at her, a glare adorning his face. "How the hell do you know his name and why the hell do you have my friend's face?" He growled, placing himself subtly between her and his friend.

"Magnus, wh- Come on it's me Lup, Taako's SCHZZZZZZZZZZ" She nervously smiled, hands raised in a placating manner.

The three looked at each other, different levels of realization coloring their expressions. Merle rubbed his ear with his flesh hand in pain as Taako's expression grew cold.

"I'm getting deja vu, " Merle mumbled.

"Didn't we drink the Void Fishes poop?" Magnus questioned, looking between his compatriots and side-eyeing the magical floating lady. " Is the Red Robe doing this to us?"

"Red robe?" The woman with Taako's face, questioned, seemingly getting more distressed, her form jolting slightly.

"She seems to want us to understand her; it'd be stupid to censor yourself." Merle wisely inputs, his hand itching toward his teen bible.

"But we drank poop."

"There's another Void Fish."

They both turned to Taako, shock easily dripping from their expressions. He in turn just stared coldly at the floating lady in front of him. "There's one; why wouldn't there be another?" He monotoned at them.

Magnus and Merle looked back at each other, both of them trying to get across their concern at this oddly emotionless Taako telepathically. Failing at that, Magnus moved toward Taako, but he shrugged him off and walked toward the panicking Red Robe.

"You motherfuckers can try to destroy the world all you want. That's your shtick. I get it." He glared, causing the woman to recoil, her head swiveling to look at the two behind her, distress written across her face.

"'Ko."

He raised a shaky hand stopping her. She shut up immediately to his immense satisfaction.

"But I draw the line at stealing my brand. And this, " He waved the hand at his face, "Is my brand. Get your own, you cheap imitation."

The clock struck twelve.

The world exploded.

They woke up, alive and with an unbroken umbrella.

"Are we going to talk about the lady living in Taako's umbrella?" Merle questioned, blinking at the bright sun assaulting his eyes.

"Nope!" Taako answered, getting up and moving toward the golem guarding the doomed town.

" That was weird, right?" 

"Very." Magnus agreed, moving to stand up before helping his shorter friend, "We'll mention her to the Director when we get done with this town. Maybe she'll know what that's all about."

Merle nodded thoughtfully, "Yea. That makes sense."

"'Course it does, I said it."

"Shut it, Magnus."


	2. Red Robes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys escape Refuge and meet their second Red Robe of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i had to. PeacefulGum was right, this interaction needed to happen at all costs.

Avi wasn't moving.

He was frozen in place, his face displayed in shock and a manic grin as he stared at the spot the purple worm mom burst from the ground. It was a typical Avi expression completed by his flask open in one hand and spraying a frozen splash of his moonshine as he had moved backward in surprise.

"I'm gonna slap him." Magnus decides confidently when Avi doesn't move for a solid minute, stepping up and giving their friend a good open handed smack on his cheek. Nothing changes.

"I'm going to slap him." Merle decides too, stepping up into Magnus's hands for the extra boost to reach the human's face.

"Who wants a free shot on Avi?"

"How about-Come on guys, how about we don't slap him?" Taako finally inputted stepping between the three to stop the slap-fest from continuing. Magnus gives a small sound of complaint but moves away from the frozen man, but stops short when he notices something.

"Hey, guys? I could be imagining this, but is Avi glowing?"

All three turn to look, now noticing the red glow surrounding their friend, lighting his face in an omnious shine.

"Well, fuck," Taako succinctly put, summing up the whole situation.

Then they notice what's behind Avi.

"Well, Fuck!" 

A red robe stands behind him, quickly raising a hand to his lips and waving the other in a swift motion that dims their Stones Of Farspeech, giving off an appearance of just normal rocks. The figure steps through Avi, standing in front of them now and looking them over curiously. 

"Did you retrieve the cup?" His distorted voice spoke, an edge of concern peircing through.

"Yea" Magnus shrugged nonchalantly.

"What did you change?" This time he moved closer, peering into their faces to see if there was maybe an ounce of change. Magnus went to push him away put his hand went right through the lich's face.

"Nothing." He and Taako said at the same time both a little offended that he'd think they were that stupid but still sharing a quick high five at their moment of twinning.

"You didn't use the cup" He sounded almost dumbfounded they didn't use it. Also a little incredulous.

"Yea, we didn't change anything." Magnus puffed out his chest a little, before turning to his friends, " Right? I mean I didn't change anything. How about you two?"

" No change here."

"A lived a good life, why change anything?" Merle put in, glancing back at the Red Robe and shuffling closer to Magnus not-so-subtly.

The Red Robe gave a sigh of relief, his shoulder sagging as he shook his head and laughed a weird multi-voiced distorted laugh. "I'm really proud of you. I thought there was a chance that maybe this would be the one to end your adventure." He looked at them, a smile gracing his face.

"Woah, wait. You're -You're proud of - Aren't you a Red Robe? Like one of the bad guys?" Magnus questioned

He stepped back, shock coloring his shadowed face before he looked at Taako and Merle and saw the same confusion and tension. "Who told you that?"

"Everybody." The three answered in unison.

The lich took another step back before shaking his head again. " I need to know, do you trust me?"

There was a moment of silence before all three chimed in with the different versions of the same answer.

"What!?No!

"Hell no!"

"No chance in Hell, buddy!"

Taako poked his finger at the Red Robe, " You fucking pop up in a red robe looking like Satan and shit, living in my umbrella, speaking parseltongue! Do we trus- What the hell kinda question is that? No!"

"You... You don't..." He stood there staring at them before his form started flickering. Then it continues, getting worse and worse till what looks like a shard breaks off of him and flies past a ducking Merle. Merle lets out a sharp yelp just as the lich falls to his knees, clutching his head as he mutters to himself, seemingly trying to control and calm himself down.

"They don't... They don't trust me." For the first time, his voice loses it's distorted quality, sounding like an average person, albeit shaken up. "Lup, they don't trust me. I can't do this anymore."

" Oh, so you know the umbrella lady?"

The lich's muttering abruptly cuts off as he slowly lifts his head to stare down Magnus. "What. Did you. Just say."

"The umbrella lady. Lup. She lives in Taako's umbra-staff." Taako waves his wand for added effect. " She popped out of it when it broke and roasted Taako. Then she started staticing all over the place. We thought you had something to do with her, to be honest."

"I think my umbrella ate her."

The lich stares at them for a moment longer before his eyes slowly trail to the Umbrastaff.

"You think... it ate her."

"How else do you explain a bad guy in my wand?"

"I..." He cautiously stood up, taking a deep breath before his voice regained its eerie sound. "You had her all this time."

"Well the dead guy before me had her longer."

The Red Robe just stared at Taako before putting his hand out. "I'm going to need that umbrella."

"Fuck no, my dude! Finders Keepers!" Taako clutched his umbrella closer to his chest, moving slightly away from the grabby lich.

"You can't just- You can't keep her locked away in your wand Taako! She's your SCHHHHZZZZ for Pan's sake!" He yelled, his form jolting slightly before returning to normal

The three looked at each other again a wave of Deja Vu filling their minds.

"You staticed." Merle pointed out.

"Just like she did when she said she was Taako's something." Magnus also noted, moving in front of Taako.

The Red Robe sighed, taking a step back and rubbing his face with his palm for a moment. " The next time we meet, I will need you to trust me completely and absolutely. Otherwise, all of this will have been for nothing." He paused sending a look back at the half-hidden Umbrastaff. "The Hunger is almost here. And when it arrives, this world will be lost. I will need you three... and the umbrella lady."

With a quick flick of his wrist, the Red Robe disappeared.

"Was that a giant fucking worm?!" Avi exclaimed, oblivious to the shared look the three reclaimers gave each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor barry. been looking for lup this whole time and she's just.in a fucking.umbrella.


	3. Madame Director and The Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako decides who needs to trust adults?
> 
> Kids are clearly better to tell your secrets too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this one's a little short but there's not much to chnage between refugee and Krav, but I still wanted Ango to know, The boy is already investigating LUP on the wall.

The Director stands before them, a smile gracing her wizened face with a warmth they've come to know and expect from their elusive and mysterious boss.

" Avi reported everything in already, I guess I’m sorry for making such a big deal out of everything; apparently this relic wasn’t as difficult to reclaim as I thought it was going to be, so, well done, boys." Her gaze travels over them carefully, almost checking to see if they maybe had changed anything after all.

"Get bent." Taako deadpans just as Merle laughs.

"No, it was super tough!" Magnus butts in, slinging his arm around Taako, who in turn pushes him off. "We died like a lot."

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, "You died?"

"Like a lot."

She looks over to Davenport, watching the cup be destroyed in the chamber with a contemplative look. "That's... concerning. Not many people can say they've died and come back."

"We should start a support group." Merle jokes.

"Of just the three of you? That's more of a hangout if anything." She notes, stepping out from behind her desk to move towards them. "I don't know anyone else who has gone through such an ordeal."

"Ordeal, shmeal." Taako shrugs, looking at his nails disinterestedly, " We won, we got the magical item, we broke shit. Seems like every day for us."

The director lets out a small chuckle at Taako before handing over their earnings for the day. "I suppose you are correct. I imagine you three would like time to relax after such a day, so here's your payment."

The three take the gold, divvying it up accordingly before moving to head out and leave the Director to her work. Magnus suddenly stops short just in front of the doorway, causing the other to bump into his large frame, a small shout escaping Taako at being stopped at all.

Magnus looks at Taako and nods towards his wand then towards the Director as if to say, 'should we tell her.'. Taako looks behind him at the Director looking at something on her desk but subtly listening in and watching the whole interaction, before shaking his head and mouthing 'I got someone else to tell first.'

_____________________________________________

"Mango."

Agnus Mcdonald, boy detective, looks up from his dinner at the butchered call of his name, smiling up at his mentor with a wide, childish grin. "Hello, sir! How was your latest adventure?"

"Yeah, yeah it went great." The wizard waved off, " I need to talk to you about the mystery of the word LUP. How are you going on that?"

The boy blinks for a second, thrown back by the sudden change of subject before glancing back at the burned letters in the cafeteria wall. "Honestly not well, sir." He sheepishly admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. " I can find no mention of an organization or person by that name anywhere. And Madame Director got kinda cagey when I mentioned it."

Taako was silent for a moment before dropping his Umbrastaff in front of Angus, narrowly avoiding his food. "Welp, today's your lucky day. I found her."

Angus glanced from the wand back up to her teacher, confusion clearly evident on the boy genius's face. "It's... your wand?"

"No dummy. Aren't you supposed to be smart or something? It's a lich  _in_ my wand." The wizard pointed at it for emphasis before placing his hands on his hip in annoyance.

Angus grew quiet before letting out a tiny, "Oh."

"Yea, oh. And now you're gonna help me find a way to get her out of it and kick her ass back to the Astral Plane."

He looked shocked at this revelation before peering closely at the still umbrella on his table. "Is she dangerous?"

Taako shrugged, " I mean she's a bad guy and shit. Kinda blew up my wand and everything before exploding out of it in a blaze of fire. So dangerous is sorta in the yes collum right now."

"And she blew up my cookies." Angus helpfully added.

"Yes, your cookies too. She clearly hates macaroon, so she's pure evil." Taako paused for a moment before continuing. "Also she has my face, which is a major no go."

Angus started for a second looking away from the wand back up at the reclaimer. "She has your face?"

"Yup," Taako replied, popping the p. "Stealing my whole schtick. And let's be real. I look good as a girl, like amazing in every way, but only I get this." He waved his hand in front of is face to showcase 'this.' "Not some lich who happens to live in my wand and doesn't even pay rent."

The boy detective poked at the wand gently, curiously looking it over. " Do you think she can hear us?"

Taako shrugged again. " No idea, little man. I just need her out before she attacks something important. like moi."

Angus almost looked insulted before shrugging off the backhanded attack on his own importance. It was just the way Taako was. " I can see if the Director has anything on magic weap-" He starts before Taako grabs him by the shoulders and turns him around to look him in the eye, his face weirdly blank.

" Whatever you do, Angus, do not tell the Director." He stresses, for once getting his name correct. " She's hiding something, and I don't know what. But I don't trust her. Not with this or with anything that has to do with something of mine... so, " He lets go, straightening himself out before patting Angus on the head gently but cautiously as if he never touched a child before, " Be careful around her, Ango."

Angus stares up at Taako, before breaking out into a smile and saluting his teacher, " Will do, Sir! I'll just go bother Leon instead!"

"That's my boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Krav Time


	4. The Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz and Taako have a date.
> 
> The umbrella does not approve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This'll be a one shot, i said
> 
> I don't need to write another series, I said
> 
> I swear I'm using this to ignore my writers block in my Boku No Hero Academia/Danny Phantom fic.

It was almost a week later that Taako sees Kravitz for his... not a date... well maybe a date if he was lucky. And hey is the Umbrella Lady said dying would help him get in the pants of the reaper who was he to disagree. She clearly had good taste based on her face choices.

And drunk Taako decided he was indeed getting lucky.

The date went well, Kravitz said Refugee was safe, they weren't getting killed for their fun run in with death again. (Though he didn't remember the first 17 times he died according to Kravitz.) Kravitz even shared some of his own personal shit which always made for a good date.

Everything was going splendid.

Kravitz was walking alongside him in the quad, staring wistfully at the stares before turning his gaze onto him. He looked nervous for a second, fidgeting with the clasp on his jacket before blurting out "Taako, I want to know... was this call for business or pleasure?" He looked away then turned back to him, almost curious but a little afraid of the answer.

 

Taako thought for a moment," Yeah, I mean, a little bit of both. I- I, uh, for sure didn't want to be dragged to hell or whatever it is you do. Stored in the ghost house or wh- with Casper and the lot." He gives a small chuckle, "Don't wanna do that. In the mirror, if I remember? I am not interested in that. But if, like, also, I love your style. Not crazy about the sort of cold clamminess of the skin, but like, yeah, you know, it's been a while out here." The elf looks back at his sorta-date, hoping his moment of vulnerability didn't come to bite him in the ass.

ANd then Kravitz is moving away from him startled, Taako thinks for a moment that he gave too much up until the scythe is out and his cloak is unfurling behind him.

"Loving this." Drunk Taako blurts out.

Then his face, his way too beautiful face, is transforming to the human skull he's come to associate with shits gone bad, and he's looking around desperately, searching for something.

" There's something here. There's something here, Taako, it was—"

"I feel it too!" He interrupts because his drunken, hazy mind is a few seconds behind the fear gripping his heart.

" It was-" He interrupts himself, shaking his head but a blush somehow forming on his boney face "No, not this, the— there's something here, it was in the Millers’ lab too, I could feel it. It's dead, and it's powerful, and it's extremely close. Are you harboring a dark spirit, Taako? Do you— do you have suspicions that you might be some sort of vessel?" He leans in close to Taako, his eyes peering closely as his hands grip his scythe with anxious energy.

"Maybe? I mean, it's been, like, a few years. Was that a thing for a while? I eat liches with my umbrella, is that a possibility, maybe?" He questions lifting his Umbrastaff that's been vexing him for a while now.

" I don't- no, I don't think it's that." Kravitz turns around for a moment before stilling and turning around again. " You eat liches with your umbrella?"

Taako shrugs, placing the umbrella on his shoulder, "I mean, yea. Get's me a big boost of magical energy and everything. I think they stay in it though, cause a lady came out of it and kinda blew some shit up, namely my umbrella."

Kravitz is staring at him, confused before he starts chuckling, "I don't- I don't know why I would think this would be a normal night. Of course, you eat people with your umbrella."

"Hey," Taako indignantly butted in, pointing the umbrella at Kravitz, "This is normal for us." He goes to put the umbrella back on the ground, but he can feel it start to shake, energy being pulled from his arm into the tip. His eyes go wide, as he feels the energy gather and begin forming a spell. In a quick second of force, he pulls the staff towards the sky, ducking slightly as a blast of Scorching Ray shoots forth and sends a flare into the night sky, the explosion of heat blowing his hair out of his face and lighting the sky in a moment of brilliance.

Suddenly out of energy, the umbrella falls to the ground, still once more. 

Taako can only stare at it wide-eyed before turning to stare at Kravitz who looks just as shocked. 

"Wh-what just happened?" He managed to get out, his face having since returned to his human skinned face. His eyes dart between the wand and Taako, not sure who was at fault but ultimately landing on the wizard.

"The Umbrastaff's trying to kill you, man!" Taako exclaims, shoving the wand at Kravitz who takes it cautiously.

"Has-Has this sort of thing happened before?" Kravitz questioned, turning the wand over in his hands. "I mean, it's not cursed..."

Taako runs a hand through his now windswept hair, trying to control some of it. " Yeah, it has, but it just carved her name into the wall. It's never... never attacked someone really. Just destroyed Ango's cookies."

Kravitz looks up slightly, "The boy detective?"

The wizard just nods, noticing now his buzz was fully gone. Oh well, hopefully, he had more alcohol stashed in his room. This was definitely a get drunk night.

"Taako, I think she might be controlling the wand somehow." He looks back at his date, confusion evident on his face. " That shouldn't be possible... Taako, I think you need to get the Umbrastaff checked out somehow, this is- This is not normal."

"Can you get her out?"

Kravitz starts for a moment, looking at the wand than to Taako, " Not without breaking your only tool for magic." He admits, looking annoyed that he can't even get a lich out of a wand. " I- I need to think on all this." He gently hands the wand back to Taako before swinging his scythe and opening a rift to The Raven Queen's Domain. " Taako, it’s- I've had a very- I've had a lovely evening, do you think I'll be hearing from you again any time soon?"

It's Taako's turn to look startled, sure that his umbrella trying to kill his date would be the end of, well, anything between them" Ah, yeah! I mean, as long as I don't… you know… die… again…"

 

Kravitz smiles, " Well, even so, we have- we have ways of dealing with that."

 

" Well, yeah, that's pretty much the best excuse I ever have, so I think you'll definitely be seeing me again, for sure." Taako attempts to smile back, but even he can tell it's a little shaky.

He chuckles softly before stepping through the rift, "Well, if that's the case, then hopefully not too soon. Goodbye, Taako." He gives a final wave before the portal closes behind him, leaving Taako with his mutinous umbrella alone.

He glares at the wand, lifting it to his face. " You and I are gonna have to talk about boundaries, or I'm leaving you at home." The umbrella remains annoyingly silent, so he just huffs and starts the trek back to his room, smiling slightly to himself about his renewed love life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a bit Taako centric recently, which makes sense with it being his sister and all, but up next, The void fish and Magnus!


	5. The Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has questions.
> 
> The Void fish has... answers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I know most of this happened in the podcast but just starting at Magnus asking the questions felt... off. SO here we have the longest chapter to date and an introspection on how Magnus feels.

Magnus was having difficulties.

He thought he knew what Red Robes were. They were Bad Guys with a capital B. Lucretia told him to run away from them (not that he ever would! He runs towards, not away!) if he ever saw them. She told him they wanted to destroy this world and they'd do anything to stop her and them.

But...

He looks down at the paper again, head filling with a faint buzz he had forgotten he could even experience. It was the statue in Refuge. But it was him in a red robe. Just as he was about to think again this time with a capital R, the buzzing came back, returning with a vengeance and causing his head to hurt way more then he liked.

None of this made sense.

He wasn't...into red.

Right?

He'd remember something like that.

RIght?!

His thoughts trail to the vast space in his memories filled with static when June, or rather the Chalice, looked through his mind. A time he can't account for but seemed to have happened before he ever set foot in Raven's Roost. Then he thinks of the wars he'd forgotten too, the friends he'd seen off to battle and never saw again. His wife weeping over her childhood friend who went up like ash in the wind because of a dangerous item he couldn't even try to comprehend. Until she didn't cry anymore, because she didn't remember anymore, just like he didn't remember anymore.

The pain in his head spiked again, causing him to clutch it to alleviate the pain in some way. It slowly ebbs away when he turns his back on the scroll; head gripped between his hands as his brain struggles to make sense of anything and everything.

Suddenly he stands up, feet moving on autopilot, just trying to get away but knowing he needs to go...somewhere. He starts to recognize the corridors he passes, realizing he was walking to The Void Fish. It makes sense, he supposes, he always was a lover of animals. They brought him comfort few people have been able to in his life.

As he feet cross the threshold of the elevator, he realizes maybe there's another reason too. He moves slightly with the closed room as it begins its descent, the static that fills his mind he knows it because he felt it before he met the Void FIsh, it was small and always at the back of his head, but it was there. It had disappeared then, only now it's rushing forward again like an intense flood, threatening to drag him under any second.

He passes the guards in a daze, nodding ever so slightly at them as they let him pass. Why wouldn't they? He was a hero to them... Pan, he hopes he's still a hero.

The doors close behind him, the room dark except for the glowing lights and stars within the swirling giant jellyfish-like creature in the center of the room. Magnus quickly glances around, almost expecting a soft sound from a lute coming from a disgruntled Johann in the corner but just as quickly he remembers that it was 3 in the morning and anyone with any reason is asleep and not wandering around in a dark chamber.

The Void Fish notices him immediately, swirling around in a dazzling display of lights and sound, pressing one his many tendrils onto the glass. They flare out in what Magnus can only assume is happiness as it sings to him a small refrain that would make Johann jealous if he was here.

Magnus gently places his open palm against the glass, almost feeling the contact when they reciprocate with their tendril. "Hey, Buddy." He quietly whispered, feeling like breaking the silence too much was a sin in of itself. "It's been a long week." He sighed to himself.

He watched them swirl again, the galaxy within flashing, before one of their tentacles pointed upwards to the top of the tank almost urgently before pointing back at Magnus.

"You want me to get into the tank?" He questioned before just shrugging and climbing the small ladder on the side, making his way to the domed top. He struggled for a moment to stand upright on the rounded edges but managed and grasped for the hatch. He saw the VoiD FIsh move out of the way, his long tendrils beckoning the human into the tank.

"This is a very bad idea." Was all Magnus could say as he stripped down to his Fantasy MeUndies and leaving his clothes at the top. He jumped in, taking a quick lungful of air, before splashing into the oddly warm water with the waiting cryptid.

Slowly he opens his eyes, view taken up by the Void FIsh inching closer cautiously, his lights flashing curiously. Surprisingly the inky water doesn't sting his eyes, and he nods at them, letting them know he's alright.

Just as cautiously, they lift one tendril moving it closer to the submerged fighter, who lets the tentacle warp around him, ending at his forehead.

Then the world goes dark.

And Magnus is in a cave.

It's a damp cold cave filled with twinkling lights bouncing off the cave walls, and Magnus is hit with a sense of home and belonging that just doesn't make sense. He looks around, taking in the plethora of other Void FIshes, each one with a spiraling swimming galaxy filling their bodies and each different sizes and lengths but undoubtedly Void Fishes.

He knows that the other Void Fish have been communicating stories of a coming storm that will condemn this safe place, his home, in their songs. So they worked to build their defensives and shut the world out, isolating themselves from this coming storm.

They worry and isolate, so when they hear ground walkers are coming to visit they pay little attention to it, not wanting to entertain their fanciful ways. Magnus watches as they appear, clad in brilliant red robes and jackets and just as they walk around the corner his mind is filled with the painful static, and he jolts away.

The Void FIsh is in front of him again, also reeling back as they watch Magnus rush to the top to get another lungful of air. He stays above the water for a moment, trying to take in what he just saw before he moves to get back to eye level with his animal companion. They're even more nervous now, lights flashing in quick succession as the tendril comes back to rest on Magnus's forehead.

The world goes dark again, and Magnus is scared. He's running from something dangerous, something that s threatening his world and might very well kill him. Holding him is another Red Robe, they're pushing themselves to get back somewhere, to get away. And Magnus trusts this human, this ground walker who is risking life and limb for him. Ahead of him is a silver ship, lifting out of the water it's docked out and-

The static is back, and the vision ends, the void fish now looking scared and confused. Magnus is just as, if not more so, confused.

'Can you hear me?' He thinks gently, hoping this will work somehow. The void Fish stills it's frantic flashing, swimming close to Magnus as if to tell him, yes I did!

'Was that your memory?'He questions, watching the Void Fish move even closer but unsure how to answer.

'Alright, one flash for yes, two for no?'

They flash once, much to Magnus's delight. 'So, was that you?'

They flash again.

'Why...Why me? I feel like we're connected somehow?'

They pause, think for a moment before lifting the tendril again, sending Magnus back into their memories.

There are dark tendrils of inky black night filled with colorful lights crashing into the ground. Magnus watches as buildings are destroyed and people die all around him. He doesn't want to die, but fear grips him as he thinks they won't make it. They might not make it to the ship. There is a crash next to him, and Magnus looks to the human and-

The void Fish pulls away just as static fills his mind again, looking annoyed there was even less now to show him.

Magnus swims to the top for another needed breath. "I don't understand!" He says aloud above the water. "Is this the past? My future?" He looks down to see the Void Fish kind of move around in what could be taken as a full body shrug of annoyance and confusion. Magnus just sighs and head back down.

'Is this of the past?' He questions again, watching with satisfaction the one flash. 'My past?' He stresses.

They flash several times in what Magnus takes as I don't know.

'Your past?'

They flash again once.

'were...were you separated from your family?'

They flash once and spin around suddenly getting an idea and reaching for Magnus's head again.

He sees a galaxy, resplendent and beautiful and just as quick as he sees it, it statics out. Then it's there again, but different almost like he's watching a poorly done rendition, lasting slightly longer before it goes out again in a haze of static. And this happens, again and again, each time fewer details until it ends on what could be taken as a child's (or merle's) drawing.

He sees twelve circles of all different colors, and they are arranged in a larger circle, and they're rotating in perfect harmony with each other, and they continue this orbit for a few seconds, until he sees a bright white circle of light that sort of flies in and lands in the middle of their dance. And for a moment, these twelve multi-colored circles rotate a bit faster, with more complex rhythms, spiraling inward and outward in this beautiful choreography, all with that white light at the center of it, and during that movement, another shape appears, and it's a huge black circle that slowly encompasses everything he sees, leaving no circle behind.

It grows larger with each circle that's consumed, and then it's just that big black circle. Floating and spinning in what once was a colorful a beautiful dance. But then the white light shoots out of its mass, out of its side, and flies away, and then the black circle moves slowly in pursuit. He sees the same cycle again, of the spinning circles and the light appearing, and then the big black circle coming to devour all of it.

He sees this several times, just happening over and over in an endless cycle never ending, never stopping until Magnus has to pull away just to breathe.

  
"What the hell was that?" He yells to the top of the tank, knowing The Void Fish is below him, swimming around with anxious energy, waiting for his return.

So he goes back.

'I have like, four questions.'

The Void Fish spins around, almost excited that Magnus is sticking around after that.

'One, does any of that have to do with what Lucas was working on?'

They still, moving around and flashing several times.

'I'll take that as I don't know... Are you a prisoner?' He reluctantly asks, already coming up with like 50 escape plans. To his relief, they flash twice for no.

'Would you _like_ to be free?'

Suddenly the Void Fish looks extremely tired, their entire body sagging as if drained of energy, they lazily flash a couple of times. Lifting a tendril to just touch Magnus's shoulder.

'Just...Just two more questions, buddy. Then I'll leave you alone.' He promises, grabbing onto the tendril to reassure his friend.

'Should I trust the Director?'

They don't even respond, their lights dim slightly as if they don't even know the answer to such a complicated question.

'Alright, last one.' He almost feels sorry for bothering this clearly tired creature, but he needs to know.

'What do you know of the Umbra Staff?'

This time instead of flashing, they bring the tendril away from his shoulder to touch his forehead.

Magnus is in a tank, everything is fuzzy around him, but he feels safe, if not a bit lonely. Around him are books upon books haphazardly placed around but in some order to the person they belong to. Sitting in the corner is a shrouded Red Robe, sleeping and looking relaxed. They're curled up near the tank, but their face is hidden. But most obvious to Magnus is the Umbra Staff sitting next to them, cherished and important to this Red Robe. They move slightly, their face coming into view and then-

It statics again and the Void Fish sinks to the bottom of their tank, exhausted to the point of no movement.

Magnus takes this as a dismissal and makes his way out of the tank, quickly drying off with his clothes and making his way down. Just as he's about to leave, new questions plaguing his mind, the Void FIsh sings again, it's slower than usual, but it gets his attention all the same.

He looks back, seeing them point to something in the corner lazily but still stressed. Magnus slowly walks over, seeing Johann's desk, a scattered mess of papers and musical instruments. He looks back up at the tank, watching the Void Fish point again.

"Alright, Alright, I'm looking." He mumbles to himself as he moves the pages around, searching for whatever has the Void FIsh's panties in a twist.

He comes across multiple pages of sheet music, but one catches his attention the most. It's titled 'The Void FIshes Lament.'

He scans over it, noticing a strange pattern to the notes, "E-G-G, B-A-B-E" He notes aloud, to which the Void Fish lets out a cacophony of sound, so unlike his usual melodic songs.

Magnus looks up startled then back at the page. " Egg babe? You had a baby?" He questioned incredulously then pauses, "Pan fucking damn it, Taako was right!"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Up: WOnderland~~ probably


	6. Interview With A Lich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako gets a new item and realizes it's untapped potential with a Lich in his wand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I'm definitely avoiding my other fic, Ghostly Ambitions.
> 
> I know I said Wonder Land next, but then I reread the transcripts of the Lunar Interludes and saw that Taako got the Band Of Projected Thoughts. With him aware of Lup now, it was just perfect. I promise, the start of Wonderland next.

"I told you we were going to have a talk, Face Snatcher."

Taako glares at his umbrella, taking the time in between their impromptu training sessions to place his Band Of Projected Thoughts onto his head. He wishes quietly to himself that it didn't look like a dumb metal band and more like a crown he thoroughly deserves for dealing with these yahoos every day.

"So talk." 

The Umbra Staff stays silent, annoyingly so. Taako pokes at it with his Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword Of Doom, hoping to get some reaction out it. Again it's quiet. He throws the sword to the ground, half-kicking it under his bed in frustration.

"So, you can talk outside of my umbrella, but in it, you're as silent as the dead?" Taako half-yells, turning around from the damned wand to flop on his bed face down. 

Muffled he shouts at it, " You can't shoot my date, one!" Laying out ground rules even if she's ignoring him. He turns his head slightly to continue his one-sided glaring match with the Umbra Staff "Two, stop controlling my wand! It's mine, and I look cool as shit with it. I get rid of you, and it ruins my aesthetic that I'm cultivating as the only badass on this whole damned moon!" He sits up now, resting his perfectly manicured hands on his knees. "Three, I'm not letting you out, see back to rule two for that one, bubelah."

He pauses, waiting for what he knows will never come.

"Alright, I can see what's happening here." He sighs throwing up his hands and falling backward back onto the bed, " Too good to talk to Ol' Taako now. Well, that's fine. I've cultivated a wealth of patience from dealing with these dumb-dumbs."

A silent beat passes.

"Just talk, damn it!" He shouts to the air above his head.

"I'm not a face snatcher." Comes a distant voice, almost as if in a cave and calling out from miles within. Taako recognizes it immediately as the Umbrella Lady, Lup, and tries to stamp down the unbidden feeling of home that rises with it.

"Then explain the face," He sasses back.

"I was born with it," She calls out, amusement coloring her words with a strange undercurrent of sorrow that makes Taako feel emotions. Which he doesn't do. He bottles them up and shoves them deep inside, and then one day he'll die with a cache of unopened bottles and the knowledge he was the coolest motherfucker to walk Faerune.

"Nuh-uh," He responds instead, sitting up and half-pointing, half-glaring at his wand, "This face is one of a kind, hun. No replicas made or allowed."

"Tell that to SCHZZZZZZZ"

Taako blinks, thrown back for a second but remembering she did this before in Refuge. He places his head in his hands, staying quiet for a moment before looking back at his talking wand. "I'm going to kick Lucretia's ass." He says mostly to himself, so sure this has something to do with his elusive employer. She was the only one with a Void Fish before, whose to say she's not hiding one away for super top secret info only the hella elite get to drink. Which pisses him right off, what was he if not hella elite?

"Not before I do." The voice inputs, dripping with malice and ill intent, that startles Taako. But he supposes ill intent go hand and hand with Red Robes.

"I have first rights as her employe." He snarked, not one to be outdone. If someone is going to kill someone, it's going to be him! 

"I have first rights as her friend." She replied, completely ignoring she's fighting to kill her friend.

Taako stilled, staring at the Umbra Staff. "Her friend." He repeated slowly back to her monotoned. He moved slightly away from her, staring at his desk now as his mind went haywire. Her friend. Lucretia's Friend. The woman who said Red Robes and anyone who associates with them are evil's friend. He knew he was kidding before, but he was honestly going to kill her. 

Who knows if she was even 'good' as she liked to tout. What if she was actually working against them this entire time, secretly collecting the Relics instead of actually destroying them. Or maybe she was destroying them, but they were doing more good than evil out in the world. Pan, he just wanted this whole thing to end already. 

If anything this just solidified his justification of not trusting a single person on this fucking moon base.

The Umbrella Lady seemed to notice his sudden change, concern lacing her tone. "'Ko, you alright?" 

"Don't call me ko!" He snapped, suddenly annoyed at the nickname and just wanting her to Shut Up. She had no right to that name! Only his... his mind blanked, his train of thought suddenly derailed as he turned to glare at his wand.

"Nobody calls me 'ko." He finished his thought, if not a bit lamely.

He and The Umbrella were silent for a moment, each thinking their own thoughts on the matter before she spoke up again. 

"I'm sorry k-Taako..."

"Its..." He rubs his face with his hand, suddenly utterly drained with this conversation "It's fine, I think. I just... You're Lucretia's friend?"

Her voice came through quieter this time as if she was now whispering. "I am. She was one of my closest friends and then... well now I'm here."

"As a Lich in an umbrella." Taako supplied.

"To be fair, I was a Lich while we were friends, or at the very least half as long as we were friends." She paused, taking a deep audible breath, " I more meant I'm not there to talk sense into her. Or tell her off for half of the shit she's pulling right now" Her voice grew darker, taking on the same edge it had when she threatened to kill Lucretia.

"Can I ask a question?" Lup asked barely waiting for his hum of approval to steamroll through, "How did she react to the Umbra Staff?" There seemed to be a note of desperation in her voice as if his answer was more important. He paused, thinking for a moment, it was such a long time ago, and to be honest, he just wanted to know what the Umbrella was. 

"She didn't. I mean, she gasped cause it was powerful and rare, but she seemed excited I had it, which everyone should, I fucking rock it with style and flair." 

Lup hummed, in what he can only accept as agreement because he does, in fact, rock it. 

"My turn on these twenty questions, Why don't you like her?"

There was a moment that she didn't respond, he was almost afraid she left him alone, a fear that gripped his heart and made him want to scream out for her. He tried to shove it deep down but the longer she stayed silent, the more he just wanted to shake the umbrella just to make sure she was still with him.

Finally, she answered, "She took someone important away from me. She... she changed him. Made him someone I'm having trouble recognizing." Her voice filtered through, distorted and quiet but with an undertone of unimaginable sorrow.

They both stayed silent, absorbing her words. Taako hummed in acknowledgment, never good at consoling people.

"Well, I don't trust her," Taako finally said, interrupting the moment of peace. "Or you." He pointedly looked at the Umbra Staff, decidedly ignoring the feeling that he was lying through his teeth. He flopped back onto his bed, curling into the blanket nest he created long ago to sleep. " You both suck equally in my mind. You blew up my wand for fucks suck."

"I blame Merle." She seemed to joke, trying to add a moment of levity in these too severe conversations.

"Me too, sister." He jokes back, laughing slightly.

And his head explodes in pain.

Taako clutches his head, mind-numbing static filling every sense of his being. He writhes in pain, desperate just to get it to stop. He can feel his nail digging into his skull but is merely a blip compared to the hell he is in. He doesn't even realize he moved till his body hits the cold hardwood floors, curling up as he gasps in pain just wishing for it to stop, why won't it stop, someone help him, he can't do this, Lup make it stop!

Just as suddenly as it happens, the pain is gone, leaving a gasping Taako in a fetal position on the floor, wondering what the hell all of that just was.

Dimly he realizes The Umbrella Lady is calling his name, but he honestly can't be bothered responding, still reeling from that trip to pain town. So he lazily reaches up and plucks the Band Of Projected Thoughts off his head and lets it land with a dull thud next to him.

A slow glance to the object reveals blood on the side of it, causing him to reach for his head in dazed confusion as his fingers come back dripping in blood. Mutedly he realizes there are bits of skin under his nails, but for some reason, his brain refuses to connect the two, just aware that the two exist in some fashion.

It's several minutes later that he finally moves from his position on the floor. Now leaning against his bed frame, he stares off into the distance trying to ignore the wave of emotions rolling over him.

Except one.

Betrayal.

Because that was static- a pain inducing, mind-numbing static- but static all the same.

Which means Lucretia is keeping a lot more from him and it has a fuck ton to do with his trapped Lich. A quick glance back shows her unmoving and still, just as an Umbrella should be.

He supposes he's going to need to keep her around now. She was clearly crucial for some reason or another.

He'd call off Angus from the search tomorrow after he's rested because he suddenly felt more drained then he has in a long time.

"My rules still stand," He calls back at her, knowing he can't hear her response. "Especially the last one." He stands shakily off the floor, throwing the Umbra Staff a bit unkindly onto his desk so he can have the bed to himself. " No changes and no arguing." With that he snaps his lights off, curling in on himself as he lets his tired brain drag him under in what he hopes will be a dreamless sleep.


	7. Begining Of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Director is aloof, Taako doesn't have as many trust issues as he likes to say, Magnus is confused and Merle is dropped.
> 
> To Lup this is just another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is like 2 months late but hey life.
> 
> I went from like posting every day to this. 
> 
> anyway here is my birthday present to myself and ya'll
> 
> a new chapter.

It had been four months since they last saw the inside of the Director's office. Taako could just feel the restlessness emanating off of Magnus and Merle to do something other than these useless training exercises Lucretia has them doing day in and day out with only a cold word on how their guard was exposed.

Which was fine by him. A cold Director was better because he could justify his thoughts. Justify him keeping this ridiculous headband on to hear Lup's non-stop commentary on his life. Justify the equally cold glare he sent her way when she yelled at him to keep his wand up, or he'd die. Like he didn't freaking know that. He had been by himself before he met his two companions on Craig's List, and he wasn't dead. Clearly, he knew something about staying alive.

"Something's wrong."

"No shit, Sherlock," Taako mumbled to the Umbra Staff, flipping off Director when she yelled down that his backflip was too showy.

"She's distancing herself from you three."

"See back to previous statement."

He heard a distant sigh and then silence. She must have given up trying to get through to him about the Director being off as if he wasn't aware this wasn't the normal Lucretia they had been dealing with since the beginning of this mess.

He knew it was weird, but he also knew it was a matter of time before she just told them. He didn't trust her, but he knew that it had to do with a Relic and they were the only ones capable of getting it.

"Gentlemen." The Director called down to them, putting a momentary rest on them getting their asses kicked. Taako looked up with a glare, watching her look down at them with an air of superiority. "Meet me in my office once your training session is done." With that, she walked away, leaving them to their fates.

Taako heard Merle groan from the side but kept his eyes on her. The second she walked through a doorway on the catwalk, he could see the life drain out of her, her shoulders slumping in defeat and her hand cradling her head. She seemed to sigh before looking back down at them, a mournful smile on her face before her eyes caught Taako's. Her eyes widened, almost frightened he caught her in this moment of weakness. He just stared back, unfeeling and as cold as she had been to them before she fled the room, leaving them once again to their training.

"I know you can't see shit, but something is up," He whispered to Lup.

"See back to your previous statement, " Came the sass ridden echoey voice he'd come to know and not trust in the slightest, no matter what the boy detective said or implied.

Training went quickly after that, all three in a rush to finish this endless torture. Carrey and Killian seemed to understand, team sweet flips letting them go early when they noticed their lack of attention.

Taako stood by the door, impatiently tapping his foot as he waited for Magnus to finish whatever he was whispering to Carrey and for Merle to pull his bruised and battered body up from the floor.

"If you two don't hurry up, I'm leaving you behind and putting on a one-man show, starring Taako being the hero of the gods damn world!" He shouted into the training room, which only garnered him a quick glance and wry smile from Magnus and a pained groan from the rug that was Merle. "I'm serious! Y'all are only my extras who just make me seem much cooler by comparison!"

It took another three minutes for the Tres Horney Boys to finally meet by the door, much to the wizard's displeasure. Magnus just side-eyed him, and Merle slumped against the stronger body Magnus provided.

"Hey," Magnus started, nervous energy laced through his gruff voice before he opened and closed his mouth several times as if trying to figure out what to say. On top of everything going on, this simple display off cautiousness just angered Taako to no end.

"Spit it out, big guy." He practically growled, rubbing his temples as he tried to range in the brash display of emotions. He was just not in the mood for any of this. They needed to get to the DIrector to uncover more of her bullshit. Or at least, he did. He didn't think the other two were exactly on his wavelength about all this, especially since he hasn't told them anything.

Taako's words seemed to spur Magnus on, instead of deterring him like he hoped. "Have you told anyone else about uh..." He pointed none too subtly at his umbrella housing his own personal Red Robe.

"And who exactly would I tell?" Taako questioned, to which Lup chimed in, "Your child."

"Oh shut up! He's not my kid!" They've had this fight constantly. Lup insisted Angus was Taako's kid, to the point where Taako couldn't even give lessons to the boy without her chiming in that he was such a good father. Angus preened under the attention when Taako gave him the headband briefly so he could talk to her, and maybe figure out something he couldn't. Then he started calling her Aunt Lup, and he put an end to that whole situation right quick.

He was nobody's father, and she was undoubtedly no one's aunt.

"I- Uh, Taako, I didn't say anything." Magnus sheepishly inputted, reminding the elf somewhat belatedly that he was still in front of people.

"No, of course, you didn't, It was- Look I can talk to her, okay?" He waved the umbrella for emphasis, causing Magnus to back away slightly and unbalance the lethargic dwarf who was still using him as an overgrown walking stick. Luckily Magnus's reflexes were still quick after the training so caught him and decided this was just easier if he carried the man under his arm like a duffle bag. There were no complaints from Merle, who just gently patted Magnus on the arm in thanks.

Taako ignored the whole spectacle, " She and me talk sometimes. I trust her about as far as I can throw her-"

"Which is pretty far, I mean she's in an umbrella."

"And I have like a 3 in Strength! Your point?" He shook his head, annoyed at the interruption, " My point, though, is that she provides a much-needed insight. She and our esteemed Director used to be friends, according to her anyway." Taako paused, letting them take this all in. Magnus was weirdly silent, and Merle just looked dead to the world.

"She was friends with a Red Robe," Magnus repeated, his voice getting quieter then Taako even thought possible.

"According to the Red Robe." Merle finally imputed, ever so helpfully from under Magnus's arm. " I mean, come on guys, when did we start listening to the bad guys?"

Magnus drops Merle unceremoniously on the floor.

"Ow! What the hell, Magnus!" Merle complained, rubbing his sore bottom with a mock glare sent in the fighter's direction. Magnus just ignored him.

"Are we sure she can be trusted on this?' He instead questioned Taako, the mere gravity in his voice sending the elf reeling.

"Well, no! Have you heard a word I said?!" Taako side-eyed his own wand, aware she was hearing all of this but wasn't responding. "She's a fuckin' Lich, my dude. You don't get like that from singing Kumbaya and building orphanages! That's dark magic. Like necromancy dark."

"I'm actually an evocation wizard."

"What?" Taako paused his 'Don't trust the lich' speech to stare down at his Umbra Staff. " How the hell did you become a Lich then?"

He could practically hear her shrug of nonchalance, "I had help from some very special people."

"You hang with the wrong crowds, sist-hun" He corrected himself last minute, not knowing why but knowing deep down that s-word was not one he wanted to say.

Magnus just stood to his side, looking incredibly confused by the one-sided conversation he was getting. "Did she say something?"

"Yea, she was a fucking evocation wizard!" The absolute disbelief on Taako's face led Magnus to just nodding as if he understood.

"Huh," He responded, trying to seem as if he knew what that meant.

"Yea! I know! Like how the fuck? I mean it explains the fire and shit, but like damn, girl, you need an after-school special on why necromancy is not cool." Taako just shook his head in disbelief.

"I am so confused."Magnus finally admitted though Taako ignored him after realizing how off topic they got.

"As I was saying, Merle, unfortunately, has a point. We can't trust her. For all we know she could be lying to get us on her side." Even as he said it, he knew he was wrong. Somehow he just knew she wasn't lying, at least not to him. He knew that Lup wouldn't lie to him.

"Merle, I need to talk to Taako alone."

"What the hell am I? Chop liver?" Merle yelled, even as he was walking away and towards the Director's office, which they were now very late for. Serve her right, Taako couldn't help but think.

The second Merle was out of earshot, Taako turned to Magnus. "Is this about the shoes we stole from his cousin? Cause I'm not telling him."

"What?" Magnus looked confused for a second, before remembering the Dwarven footwear he had on, "No. It's about our one colored friends."

"I wouldn't call them friends, per se, big guy. More like acquaintances that won't stop calling."

Magnus paused, looking around the empty hall before taking a step towards Taako, invading his personal bubble a bit too much if he had anything to say about it.

"Do you consider me a friend?"

It was Taako's turn to pause. He looked over the man he shared a living space with. The man who saved him countless times in their adventures, sometimes at the cost of himself. The man who willingly enjoyed Taako's company.

"Yea." Came the quiet reply.

Magnus looked like he tried to smile at the words, his shoulders sagging without the tension Taako didn't even notice was there in the first place. Looking around again, Magnus reached into his shirt.

"Woah there!" Taako quickly interrupts, his hands up in the universal 'stop what you are doing right this instant' motion. " I said friends! This boy is spoken for and no ready for commitment!"

"What?" Once again Magnus looked confused, "You're spoken for?" He shook his head, " Doesn't matter, not the point. I mean we'll talk later but," He continues what he was doing and finishes pulling out the papers he initially reached for. " I need you to look at these."

Taako hesitantly reaches for the papers, a spell slot ready just in case they are adoption papers or worse, a marriage license. Magnus hands them over with little flair, stepping back, so Taako finally has his personal space back.

He looks at the papers, they seem old, weathered by the years but well taken care of. On the paper there to be drawings of a statue of a cloaked figure next to two people, an adult and child holding a...

Suddenly he realizes why it looked familiar, it the statue from Refuge of the Red Robe.

Then he looks at the next drawing. It's so similar to the first one. A simple change and Taako has trouble even recognizing what's on the page. The hood is down on this one that much he can retain. But the face. Taako feels the headache coming on and clutches his head, slightly pressing on the cuts he made from his last excursion down static lane.

"I.." He trails off, looking to Magnus, looking to the same face that's drawn on the paper. His head gives a small jolt of pain at the thought, causing him to shove the papers back into Magnus's awaiting hands.

"I know." The giant of a man whispers.

"You... I don't understand. Are you a..." Taako grips his head again, willing the pain away by sheer force alone. "Magnus, what the fuck?"

Magnus's grips his shoulders keeping him from toppling. He didn't even realize he was swaying from the increasing headache until he was held still.

"You were right. There's another void fish. The Void Fish told me. Or sang me. They have a baby, Taako. And I- Well, I think Lucretia's using it." Magnus looks directly into Taako's eyes. " Taako I think she's keeping things from us."

"There's no think, my dude." Taako grips his Umbra Staff, his knuckles turning white on the smooth wood handle. " She  _is_ keeping things from us. Apparently, she knew you were- she knew that- She's keeping who you were before from you." Taako finished lamely, the headache steadily getting stronger when he even thought of what Magnus could be.

"I wish I could have told you, Taako."

Lup's voice was like a splash of cold water. Taako stood up straight, his mind catching up with what she just said.

"She knew." He whispered to Magnus.

"Yea, I know Taako how else could she void fish it?" Magnus gently said, probably thinking Taako was still reeling from the revelation from before but Taako was about two revelations ahead.

"Not The Director. Lup." He lifted the umbrella bringing it eye level with the burly man in front of him.

"Yeaaaaaa." Magnus drew out the A as if that much was obvious and Taako was an idiot wizard for not realizing sooner. Which it and he was. She was immune to the void fish. She couldn't forget.

She was their magical guide.

Taako turned to face his umbrella, Magnus joining suit after a confused moment. They both stared at the magical item, Taako with a renewed vigor and Magnus with a still slightly confused expression.

"Remember rule three?" He asked.

"You're not letting me out because it ruins your aesthetic," she replied, a curious tone weaving through her voice.

"Well, you help us out, tell us what's fake and try in the simplest terms possible to explain what's going on and after all this Relic business is over, I'll rethink that rule."

There was a moment of silence, from both Magnus and Lup.

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many times am I gonna promise wonderland?
> 
> I mean this is technically the start of the Wonderland arc. It starts with them in her office. Which is next time.
> 
> i think
> 
> probably


	8. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is confused, Taako is annoyed and the Director makes everything worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO'S READY FOR WONDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> i am.
> 
> i'm ready
> 
> As this series goes on, each chapter is steadily getting longer and longer, this is the longest one yet actually!

They enter her office one at a time.

Merle stands by the door, waiting for them and not actually seeming miffed in the slightest, despite what his parting words were. The holy man understood the need for one-on-one talk, even if it was just between friends. Everyone needs some form of a confessional.

Magnus shows up next, holding onto Taako's arm, giving him some support as the remaining feelings of his headache dissipate. Taako was confident his new confidant would help, but there was a lingering feeling of doubt. The Director may seem like the big bad right now, but she had honestly cared for them, up until recently that is. Cold shoulder aside, she gave him a home. Gave him a purpose besides living off the remaining fame of 'SIzzelin' it up with Taako' to get him by.

He gripped his wand tighter, hoping the one touch could convey into whatever realm Lup was in his feelings on the matter.

Honestly, it was too many emotions in one day.

"He alright?" He hears Merle questions, his wooden arm reaching for his Extreme Teen Bible as if to heal him. Excellent, can't heal in battle but at a minor inconvenience he whips out his spells.

"Yea, He'll be fine. Just a headache." Magnus responds, deflecting from Merle to keep him out of this. They both agreed while the Dwarf was vital to their group- well, Magnus said vital, Taako insisted he could just be replaced with a healing potion, and it'd work more effectively- he needed to stay out of what they were doing.

They were in the proverbial trenches, Merle was just a bystander caught up in it all.

"Let's just get this over with." Taako mumbles, leaning off of Magnus to appear more stable then he was at the moment. Merle takes this as the go-ahead it was intended as and knocks on the office door. They hear a muffled "Come in," before pushing their way through.

"Ah, boys." The Director stands up from her desk moving to the front of it to greet them, leaning a little too heavily on her staff, the world-weary expression Taako saw earlier back on with no effort to hide it now. She looks unbelievably tired, and they were the ones just training their asses off. "I'm glad you came, How- How have you been?"

It was a lackluster attempt at trying to bridge the gap she created within the last few months, but Magnus responded as it never existed in the first place.

"I mean I got to work off my Protein shake so no complaints here." He flexed slightly as if to show how much the shake has helped him as if he needed help in the first place.

She smiles slightly, the expression strained by the exhaustion. "Whey or Beef?"

"Both! I call it Wheef." He seemed incredibly proud of his work out abomination, and The Director just nods her understanding before turning to Merle and Taako, expecting their responses.

"Well, I've been binging Orange Is The New Black," Merle says, for some reason thinking binging a show a Fantasy Netflix was equal to the horror Magnus created.

"Oh! How is the new season, I feel like it got lost in the weeds a bit."

"Eh, maybe a few too many characters, but overall not too bad."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it," She smiles again, seemingly glad the boys were responding well to her, despite her aloofness. She turns to Taako, waiting expectantly. When he doesn't respond, she takes to prompting with a small frown. "Taako, Are you well?"

"Everything's fine, your not my mom!" He feels petulant and a bit childish crossing his arms, but just cause the two bozos were okay with her at the moment doesn't mean he had to be. Of course, he couldn't help the swell of hope that she was finally talking to them again as if they were friends again, but he didn't have to act on those emotions.

"She might be! She does call us boys a lot."

"I'm not- Merle, I can assure you, none of you three are my kids. I'm not even sure how species-wise that would work." She leaned her back against her desk, sighing at the antics she had gotten used to over the last year.

"You don't need to know everything about my life, what do you want!" Taako couldn't help interjecting, just wanting this mess to be over with.

"Well I-I wanted to apolog-"

"I'm very busy. I will tell you that!"

"We've been dojo-ing the shit out of this place" Merle also inputted, rubbing his shoulder gently as if to ease some pain from their last 'dojo-ing'.

She paused, waiting to see if Taako or Merle would interrupt again. The wizard stayed silent this time, his little outburst done with now that she knew she was taking up valuable time.

"Yes, that's what I wanted to apologize for. "She calmly stated, "I know I've been leaning on you three a little harder than normal, I just..." She lets out a bone-deep sigh, bringing her hand up to her head to lean against it." I know what's waiting for you on your next mission." She manages to get out before looking back up at them, her eyes filled with unimaginable sorrow at where she's sending them next. "And I wanted you all at peak performance."

The three share a moment of silence, taking in her words. As they do, she moves back around her desk, each movement conveying how exhausted this all makes her. She pulls from a drawer a light blue envelope lined with ornate gold trim. She leans to hand it to Magnus before collapsing in her chair and leaning her hands on her desk.

"It's time I tell you boys a story from before you joined the Bureau, before there was even a Bureau of Balance to join. I was foolish," She spits out the word with hate as if she hated admitting it in the first place, "I tried to reclaim the Grand Relics by myself."

"Oh shit," Came the tiny replay from Magnus.

"I searched for months to locate them. I came up empty-handed each time as if they were gone the second I feed the information to the Void Fish. It was like they never existed in the first place, then," She points to the envelope in Magnus's hands, "I was sent that."

Taako and Merle shuffle close to Magnus to see what 'that' was in the first place. Magnus opens the envelope, pulling out a flyer from its depths. It was incredibly tacky, way too many colors, each one clashing with the last. But it's the big block letters above a map to the Felicity Wilds that catch their attention.

"Wonderland," Merle mutters to himself.

Magnus flips the paper, a cooper looking bell taking the entire space up with the words, 'The Grand Relic you've been looking for! The Animus Bell!'. Magnus looks up at the Director, shock evident in his eyes.

"That is in fact, the Grand Relic, the Animus Bell."

"Oh pan, no." Came a small voice. It takes Taako a moment to realize it's Lup, pain and horror coloring her voice.

"In my travels, I learned its name, but not it's capabilities-" At this point, Lup interrupts," She's lying!" She says it with such venom, that Taako actually stumbles back for a moment, causing Lucretia to look at him wide-eyed and pause herself.

"-or it's whereabouts. "She finishes lamely, staring at Taako with emotion that Taako couldn't even begin to place.

He shuffles a bit, suddenly nervous under her unwavering gaze, before reaching to Magnus and squeezing his arm. Magnus starts himself, staring at Taako with a similar wide-eyed look.

It was a system they put in place. Lup tells Taako if The Director is lying and he squeezes Magnus's arm. He had completely forgotten about it at the moment, too curious by the obvious trap of a flyer.

The Director watches the whole exchange, her hawk-like gaze never wavering. It seemed like minutes before she moved her line of sight, letting their moment pass without comment. For now, anyway.

Merle looks between the three, his eyes darting to try and figure out what the hell just happened. Magnus just pats his arms with a face that says 'I'll tell you later.' Taako knows he won't, but it's just to keep the old man's mouth shut for the moment.

The Director clears her throat, one last glance thrown Taako's way. "And yet, here it was. On a flyer with a map included."

"It's obviously a trap." Merle helpfully noted, as if she never thought of that.

"It does feel trap-like," Taako noted as well, looking over the flyer again, trying to avoid looking at The Director.

"I mean, I, of course, researched Wonderland before I made my attempt on it." She tried to explain, a vacant look taking over her face." It is a place where for those lucky enough to be invited or to otherwise be lured into its walls, it promised the fulfillment of any material wish, the rewarding of any prize that its visitors sought out - hence my personalized flyer here." She pointed again at the flyer now in Taako's hands.

"It is, of course, a death trap," Magnus lets out an uh-huh as if she was a fool for not realizing it sooner. She sent a small annoyed look at him, "but it was not without its fair share of victors. "As if that justified her trip.

"I heard stories, mostly secondhand, of survivors who made their way out of Wonderland claiming to have found the prizes that they sought within. But their accounts of what is inside Wonderland never matched up, meaning that the contents are somehow different for each person who enters it. One person told of a maze full of undead killers, another spoke of a tomb of horrors. I was… "She paused again, the same world-weary,pain-ridden face taking over. "I was overly ambitious."

With a smooth motion, contradicting her previous tired movements, she spins her chair around, facing her large portrait depicting her as she is now in her blue robes, white carved staff, and a grim expression.

"My journey through Wonderland was Hell, boys." She says quietly, "I faced foes the likes of which I have never seen outside those cursed walls and psychological tortures that haunt me still to this day. I had to abandon my trek into Wonderland after I wagered too much, and lost so much more."

They watch as she waves a hand at the portrait. The image shimmered for a moment before showing a much younger woman who had a smile on her face and books in her hands. She wore the same blue robes and clutched the same staff, but seemed to have more excitement about the future.

"That was me not too long ago," The Director tells them, "I wagered 20 years of my life to those monsters in a game of chess... and I lost. I am not a vain person, I don't care about the beauty of youth. But, 20 years is a long time for a human to lose in one go."

"Why did you wager that much?" Magnus whispered, the only other human in the room understanding what twenty years meant for them.

She turned her chair back around, the portrait returning to its normal state with a small shimmer. "It's what was necessary to continue in Wonderland." She sighed again, rubbing her temples, "I've known about Wonderland since before you boys began here, but frankly, boys, I'm terrified of it. I would never wish this upon you three. If I had a choice, you'd never set foot in there. If I lose you three..." She paused, trying to compose herself, "We lose everything. It would have all been for nothing."

"But," She perks herself up a bit, giving them an attempt at a smile, "I...I know you guys are ready for it. Wonderland will try to break you. You will face dangers the likes of which you've never seen. You will face mental and emotional torment. But if you stay together, and you trust each other, you can keep yourself from losing yourself in there." She smiles at each of them in turn, her eyes filling with warmth for the first time since they walked into that room.

"Why don't we save it for last?"

She starts for a moment, her eyes losing the warmth and landing on Taako, who fiddles with his umbrella handle, "What?"

"I mean, You said there were seven Relics right?" She gives a slow nod, spurring him on, "So, why don't we save this one for the end, I mean it sounds like a shit-show and I'm not ready to give twenty years of my life and lose an ounce of this beauty."

She stares at him for a moment, before Magnus interrupts, "No offense to what you went through with all the danger and stuff, but I think it actually sounds kinda awesome."

Taako, Merle and The Director whirl to face the fighter who sheepishly smiles and rubs his neck in embarrassment. "I mean we've faced challenges before, and we kicked some serious ass each time. I say let's go for it!"

"It does sound kinda awesome." Taako concedes,.

"Also dangerous!" Merle for the first time being the voice of reason. "We know nothing about this place, just that it sucks major ass. I'm older than you three combined, I lose twenty years, and I'm dust."

"You're a dwarf, isn't twenty years, like one human year?"

"I'm that old, Magnus."

"Now, I-I wouldn't sell yourself short, Merle." The Director tries to say, "You're only middle-aged at best."

"You don't know me." Merle crosses his arms a bit petulantly, "I could be hiding my age, I could be a hundred years older then all of you know."

"Are you?" Taako questions, a bit curious.

"No, but you don't know that!"

"I do now."

"Boys, we're getting a little off topic here." The Director says in an attempt to corral them. "You'll face many trails, and I need you all to be prepared for when you leave. The shuttle is scheduled to take you in the next twenty minutes."

"Woah," Magnus couldn't help but exclaim, "We're leaving immediately?"

"Well, yes. Unless you boys have some more questions?"

"Yea," Taako speaks up when the other two remain silent, "Is there some like buddy, some kind of person or thing that's like, in charge of Wonderland that we're gonna get to fight, like another big battle kinda thing?"

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes as she drudges up the unpleasant memories, "No, I only heard voices directing me through the place. They never showed their faces, but from what I could tell, there was two of them. I think there were other participants, but I never saw them either."

Taako nods, thinking for a moment before asking another one, "So, you can't tell us anything about the bell? Like there's nothing?"

She opens her eyes, narrowing them at the elf, "No," She states slowly, "While the other Relics have a sorrid history with our world, I have been able to find nothing about the Animus Bell, or what evil it could possibly do."

"She's really sending you in blind, huh."

Taako glances at his Umbra Staff, nodding again at what the Director said and silently absorbing Lup's commentary.

"But don't worry, sirs!" A new voice calls, practically crawling out from behind the Director's desk, "I'll be with you the whole time!"

"Not...pyschically, right?" Merle can't help but question, edging away from the newly appeared boy detective.

"No," The Director responds for him, "He will be staying here and in constant contact over your Stones of Farspeech."

"It'll be like I'm right there with you! I'll be on the radio the whole time, and I can help you monitor your emotional state and help keep you calm while you're in there! So don't worry about a thing! You're gonna be cool as cucumbers when you go through Wonderland and the tortures inside!" Angus shouts with his boyish excitement.

Taako smiles at him as Magnus ruffles his hair. "Come on, kiddo, let's see how it's been going since the last lesson."

Angus grins, running over to Taako before his entire body is overtaken with a bright light, and instead of Angus Mcdonald, boy detective, there stands a tiny Taako, wand and all.

"Taquito" Magnus whispers and gets an elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

"How's it look, sir!" Little Taako asks with a lousy voice impression of Taako.

"I knew it was you the whole time, wasn't fooled for a second."

The detective visibly deflates for a moment before returning to his standard boy form, "oh."

Taako panics for a moment, the child's defeated expression pulling on his heartstrings a bit too much for his liking. He looks around at the other adults all of them with a smile still on their face and decides that fuck it, who cares if there are witnesses.

He gently places his hand on Angus's head, "Very-uh Very good though. You're coming along nicely." He coughs slightly in embarrassment when the boy visibly preens at the lackluster praise.

The Director thankfully interrupts, "Are you boys ready to go?"

"I don't think she gets to call us boys anymore, she's like actually younger than Magnus," Taako mutters under his breath, Angus hearing him and giving a little giggle that the Director ignores.

"I..uh... I actually got a question." Magnus looks to Taako giving him a look of 'just follow me on this' before looking back at his boss. "I… I need to ask… I've been thinking about it, it's been a while since I've been able to talk to you. I feel like if there are other participants in the maze we run the risk of running into more Red Robes." He quickly glances at Taako and his wand.

"I find that unlikely." She states as if it was ridiculous for him to think," The Red Robes obviously, to my surprise, are still in operation, but there cannot be that many of them."

"But if we do run into one, what- is there anything the Bureau knows about them? Anything you can tell us?" Magnus presses.

  
"They are extremely dangerous. They cannot be trusted. If you see one, report it to me over your Stone of Far Speech immediately. And just run away, you are not ready. Don't listen to a word they say, they will lie to you to get you to do whatever they want, but their purposes are evil, Magnus, they are- they are beings of pure, concentrated evil." She finishes her speech by leaning back in her chair, looking at Magnus curiously because of his strange line of questioning.

He looks to Taako again, pain evident in his eyes, "But how do you know?" He stresses, not looking away from Taako until she speaks.

"I - I've had my fair share of run-ins with the Red Robes." She states, narrowing her eyes again.

"And they've all been evil?" Taako can see his shoulders slumping in defeat, hoping the answer would be different then what they both knew it was going to be.

"Yes." She says it like it was a cold fact, no room for argument. "Any other questions?" She looks to the other two, eyebrows raised as if waiting for more delay.

Taako shrugs and Merle thinks for a moment before shaking his head no.

Magnus pipes up once again, much to the Director's displeasure. "I  _do_ have one more question."

"Pop it off, Magnus." She says with barely disguised annoyance.

"Can I say goodbye to my Pringles? If this is as dangerous as you say it is, I want to say goodbye."

She sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "I'm sorry, no. Pringles is… Pringles is dangerous, he is affiliated with the Red Robes. He cannot be trusted. There is no time; also, we really need to get this Wonderland mission going. So, I'm sorry but no."

She looks pointedly at the door then back at them.

Magnus nods his understanding, grabbing Taako's arm and practically dragging him from the room with Merle closing following behind.

"We'll meet you at the shuttle, Merle," Magnus tells his friend before dragging the other one off in a different direction, getting complaints from both.

"Slow down there, my dude! Where's the fire?"

"Tell me what she said."

Taako stares at the serious Magnus in front of him, before raising the umbrella up to eye level again. " She said Lucretia knows what the Animus Bell does."

Magnus nods, looking off into the distance. "You don't believe that evil stuff, right?" He looks at Taako, eyes pleading. " I'm not evil...right?"

The elf pauses for a moment, thinking of what to say, then decides to place his hands on Magnus's shoulders, " No. Not a chance are you evil, Magnus."

"None of you are." Lup tries to console, forgetting Taako is the only one that can hear her.

"I'm sorry what."

"What?"

"Not you, Mag. What do you mean by 'none of us are.'?" Taako questions, his eyes narrowed on his own wand.

"Well, I mean... none of you are evil, no matter what Luc says."

Taako thinks on it for a second, his head starting to hurt as he tries to reconcile what she just said with what he knows about Magnus, or what he thinks he knows but his mind won't allow.

"Oh fuck this."

"What'd she say!" Magnus asks, eyes darting from the umbrella to Taako.

"All of us like red, apparently!" Taako shouts at the Umbra Staff, a little miffed he's just learning this now. " Apparently we're one of them, and only Lichy McMy-face can remember because why the fuck not, right!" He shoves the wand onto the ground, gripping his head as it tries to fight the rising static.

"You know what, fuck all of this!" He yells, throwing his hands up and causing Magnus to stumble back a bit. " Fuck Lucretia, Fuck my wand, Fuck that stupid red robed society!" He finishes by slumping against a wall, all energy depleted from his body. "None of this makes sense, Mag. None of it." He half-whispers.

"I think I know what might help."

Taako looks up, glancing at the contemplative human in front of him.

"What could possibly help right now?"

"We're gonna break into the Brig."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh poor Taako and Magnus.
> 
> but let's really think about the one whose dealing with the most shit,
> 
> Merle.
> 
> poor guy doesn't know what's going on and is like the only one not steeped in 70 levels of intrigue and misdirect
> 
> he just wants to save the world, and by god he's gonna do it.


	9. Moon Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys do a heist
> 
> Of Knowledge!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get it
> 
> like oceans eleven

"So you won't give it to me to use, but you're okay with hiding the coolest sword in existence under your bed."

"I won it fair and square, Bubela." His muffled voice from under the mattress came, bits of half eaten food and dirty laundry flying out from where Taako shoved them in the first place. A bitten into recess peanut butter cup skitters past Magnus's feet.

"Aren't you allergic to peanuts?" He half-questions, poking it with his toe.

"That's why it's half eaten."

Magnus gives the legs sticking out an incredulous look. "How are you not dead yet?" Taako pokes his head out to stick his tongue out before diving right back under to grab what he really came for. It took a couple of more second of shoving things out of the way before Taako emerged victoriously, the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom in his grasp.

The elf places it gently on his back, posing for a moment at the slightly miffed human. "I figure, if we're going to do a badass jailbreak, we need to look equally badass!" He grins at Magnus who rolls his eyes.

"We're not breaking him out, we just need to ya know, question him," Magnus explains, trying to ease his own guilt about the whole thing. From what the Director said, Pringles was jailed for being associated with a Red Robe... what if he was the Red Robe that caused him to be jailed?

"Tah-ma-to, To-mah-toe." Taako flippantly replied, utterly unaware of Magnus's internal struggle or just choosing to ignore it like he was doing to his own mental issues.

To Taako this whole thing reeked of....something. He couldn't place it, but he just knew he was missing something that would make all of this make sense. Like, Why would Lucretia hire them if she knew they were Red Robes? The thought still sent him reeling, static pinging through his skull like a loose tennis ball, but for some reason, it felt less painful, as if it was slowly losing its effects on him the more he figured shit out.

Lup still hasn't talked to him since he threw her on the ground in his moment of justifiable rage, so he let her be, not wanting to bother her with any more of his questions about them being Red.

"Hey, big guy," Taako softly called, stopping Magnus from leaving his bedroom. He, in turn, turned around to face his elven comrade, looking at him with curiosity. "Do you... Do you want to talk to her?"

Magnus stared for a second, an unreadable expression crossing his face before he slowly nodded, reaching out a hand to wait for the band adorning Taako's head. Even slower Taako reached for his head, gently plucking the band from its semi-permanent place on his head before laying it in Magnus's awaiting hand.

He watched mildly detached as Magnus placed the item gingerly on his head. It was just a band, so why did Taako feel as if he gave up a part of himself. He felt naked without it. Lost without Lup. Even if she wasn't talking, her presence was like a balm on his soul, like he found something he had been missing for so long and he wanted to hold it tight and never let go.

It was a completely unwelcome feeling.

Magnus held his gaze with Taako, wondering what brought on this sudden change of giving Lup to him. Lup herself felt confused and voiced it.

"This is weird, Maggy."

"I'm with you, sister." He mutters, causing Taako to flinch. Magnus's gaze quickly turned to worry, but the elf waved him off, gripping his head for a moment before deciding he was fine.

"We should get on with our Jail Break ™," Taako said instead, brushing past Magnus with the wand in hand. Magnus rushed to follow, afraid of breaking the seemingly tenuous psychic connection with the Lich.

"So, you're Lup." He decided to state a bit redundantly. She stayed silent, letting Magnus continue whatever it was he was trying to say. "I gotta say, this day keeps getting weirder."

She laughs suddenly, echoing through whatever dimension she was in, "Oh, my dude. You have no idea. This is like the least weird shit we've ever had to deal with."

Magnus takes that in, especially the use of the word 'we.' "So we really used to be...friends." He finishes somewhat lamely, glancing over at Taako who seems to be trying his best to ignore the conversation altogether as they walked to the brig.

"Yea, big guy, we used to be friends." She repeats, a hint of sadness escaping her tone.

"Is that why you have Taako's face?"

Taako himself halts, spinning around on Magnus then Lup, glaring at the wand gripped tightly in his hand. He directs the glare back at Magnus who just shrugs, not the least bit apologetic. Sue him, he was curious.

"How many times do I have to tell you guys." She sighs, probably annoyed she was explaining this for the hundredth time, "It's my face. I didn't steal it! I was born with it! If anything, it's Taako who took my look, he was SCHHHZZZ."

It's Magnus's turn to sigh, rubbing his ear a bit. "Staticed." He just says to a groan of annoyance.

"Fuck! She really just fucking cut everything, huh?" He can hear her angerly vent. He can just imagine her pacing around, cursing at this whole situation. "Fine, I can deal with this! There as to be a pan damned workaround!"

He lets her huff for a few moments in silence. Taako decides they're delaying enough and continues his brisk walk to where they need to go, going back to ignoring them when he heard Magnus say staticed.

"You never did tell us what the Animus Bell does." Magnus decides to say, after a few more minutes of her silence. She obviously couldn't find the workaround she was hoping for, so he decides to give her an out. Whatever her and Taako's connection was, that was their problem.

Now the bell? That was definitely in his wheelhouse.

"Oh, uh." She pauses, thinking for a moment at the sudden topic change. "It's based on the Necromantic house of magic. We never really discussed what it could entirely do, but I remember him saying it can take life force from a person, leaving behind an empty shell." She sighs again. "It's very dangerous, Magnus. The sheer fact that we don't know everything it can do makes it more dangerous than the others."

Magnus just giver a huh in response, relaying what Lup said to Taako, who doesn't even turn to look at him as he talks.

"Honestly, I don't even know why Luc is having you collect them. They can't be destroyed as far as I know, so why...is...she..." Lup trails off, before practically shouting, "Give me back to 'ko!"

Magnus flinches at the sudden volume change, and hastily rips the band off to comply. He looks confused as he has the thing in his hands but dutifully tries to pass it back to the silent elf, who looks at him like he gained three heads before grabbing the band again.

"Missed me?" Taako jokes, sending a 'what the fuck' glance at Magnus who just shrugs, equally confused. Magnus mouths 'she told me to' which just earned him another 'what the fuck' look.

"Taako, you can't give Lucretia the Bell. I think I know what she's doing, and let me tell you, it's not fucking good!"

Taako glances at Magnus again, the big man nervously fidgeting with his hands, "With specifically the bell...?"

"With all our Relics! She can't get the last piece!" Taako just nods, forgetting for a moment, she can't see him.

"I' ma gonna have to put you on hold for a moment."

Taako launches the umbrella down the hall.

Magnus startles at the sudden movement, gaping at the wizard and the thrown Lich in turn. His wide eyes land on Taako, who dusted off some imaginary piece of lint and coughs.

"Okay, now that we have some alone time, Fuck that shit, am I right?"

Magnus just continues staring at him slack-jawed.

"Like I get it, world ending shit and all, and we might be all up in that but like, fuck man. Can't we just break in somewhere, possibly steal a dude without twenty more revelations about our self being thrown our way? Or finding out we might actually be causing the end of the world?"

Taako begins pacing the thankfully empty hall, sending glances at his yeeted umbrella every couple of steps. Magnus beings to wonder what the fuck did she just say to him to cause this reaction.

"Like sure- I mean whatever! The Director is our new big bad! Big deal! She's in charge of a shadowy organization that literally wiped everyone's collective mind! It was almost obvious if you ignore her damn grandmotherly appearance! But, come on! Like, Fuck!"

Magnus watches Taako breakdown with a feeling that maybe he should do something to help, but honestly has no idea what he could do, without making whatever this was, worse.

"That's why I gave you the band in the first place! I was done! Taako is fucking done! No more revelations! No more finding out shit! Like, I'm a Red Robe," He points at Magnus causing the man to step back, "You're a Red Robe! My fucking umbrella is a Red Robe!" He throws his hands in the air, exasperated by the entire situation and everything it came with. "Is anybody else a fucking Red Robe?!"

"Davenport!"

They both freeze, slowly turning to face the halfling butler that walked into the hallway. He stood there smiling dopily, not a care in the world crossing his face as if he didn't hear Taako shouting about The Bureau's number one enemy.

"Hey, Dav," Magnus awkwardly waves at the Fantasy Pokemon speaking man. Davenport just waves back.

"Davenport, "He says in lieu of a hello.

"Good talk," Taako nervously states, grabbing onto Magnus's arm, "But we gotta dash. Relic and everything. Bye!"

Magnus lets himself be dragged along, stopping only for a moment to pick up the discarded wand when Taako seemed okay with just passing it by. They stop only when Taako feels like they're a safe distance away from the halfling idiot.

"How about no more stops, or rants, until we reach Pringles?" Magnus suggests, looking over his shoulder to see if they were followed.

"Sounds like a plan."

With no more distractions and a thankfully silent Lup, they get to the dome opposite The Director's office with little trouble. It was what was in the dome that caused the real problem.

They both peer in briefly, watching the two posted guards, both humanoid looking, but one clearly a tiefling with his horns poking out, next to the sleek elevator in the middle of the room. They both seem alert and strong, a terrible combination for a break in.

"Just had to be a fucking elevator." Taako grumbles under his breath, "Does anyone know what stairs are?"

Magnus ignores him, trying to think of a way in that doesn't involve them being discovered immediately. They were just right across the hall from the Director, and this could get messy real fast.

"Follow my lead."

Magnus walks in first, displaying confidence and an air of absolutely supposed to be here and you're wrong for thinking otherwise. The two guards take notice of him immediately, the human looking one breaking off to great the reclaimers.

"Stop right there! What are you doing here?"

Magnus looks at the guard as if just noticing he was there, "Oh! Hey, I got permission from the Director, just need to speak with the prison for a moment." He smiled at him, hoping to work some folk charm. The guard seemed unaffected, looking over Magnus's shoulder.

"Unfortunately, we uh, We don't accept just a verbal or written permission. I need the Director here."

Magnus looks back at Taako, "Oh, sure, sure, let me go get her then." before slamming his fist into the man's face, knocking him out in one clean hit.

Before he can even hit the ground, Taako fires off a quick spell, the other guard suddenly dropping to the floor, still awake just laying face down next to their coworker who was definitely not awake.

Magnus looks at his friend curiously, "What'd you do to him?"

"Command spell, I would knock him out if I were you. "Taako steps over the crumpled bodies, making his way to the dreaded elevator. Magnus does what he says then pauses, staring at the two very obviously overpowered men on the ground.

"Someone's gonna notice this if we just leave them here," He mumbles to himself, racking his brain for what to possibly do. "Think we can carry them with us," he directs at Taako, looking up to the elf in the elevator who mock glares at him before waving to his entire body.

"Does this look like it can carry a full grown tiefling?" He sasses, putting his hands on his hip for emphasis. "Do I need to remind you of my 3 in Strength? That's like a negative four, my dude."

Magnus looks back down at the unconscious guards, "You also said you couldn't throw Lup far, but you launched that thing." He ignores Taako mocking him and mentally goes through his list of items, any one of them could help him here.

An idea pops in Magnus's head, an absolutely crazy idea. He grabs his pocket workshop from his pocket near Steve, plopping it on the ground and opening the extra-dimensional doorway to his own personal studio. He grins at Taako as he carelessly drags the two guards into the room, the elf watching him with mild curiosity.

When Magnus closes the door and zips it back into his pocket, he opens his arm as if to say 'Ta-da.'

Taako just shakes his head in amusement before gesturing for Magnus to get in the elevator first. They both file in, squeezing into what was probably designed as a one-person elevator, and begin their descent into the brig.

The door opens with a mechanical whir showing a row of about six jail cells, every one empty except for the last. The form in there is hunched over, a tray of food discarded by the cell door, half eaten and tossed around the square plastic. They look up briefly as if to acknowledge the usual guard before they do a double take and rush the bars, trying to get a closer look.

"Taako!Magnus! What are you guys doing here?" Pringles surfer-like drawl filling the empty room.

Magnus rushes over, checking over their...friend? Taako saunters after him, quickly scanning the room for any type of surveillance the Director might have set up. Sensing no magic and seeing no electronics he looks over their old roommate, scrunching up his nose at the foul smell the man was emitting.

He looked fine for the most part, dirty but healthy. Actually, even more healthy than he used to after the likely forced detox being in jail gets you.

"Didja..." Pringles looks between the two, scratching his arm slightly before placing them both back on the bars, "Didja bring my stuff? My Pringles?" He leans eagerly into the bars, eyes scanning them for any can shaped items.

Taako tosses him a can which he eagerly rips open to much on the chips, Magnus looking on in horrified wonder. "Where did you even get those?"

"In my room, Maggy. We're visiting Pringles, I'd be dumb not to bring him his goods." Taako explains, pointing at the man devouring the entire snack.

Magnus just shakes his head, stepping closer to the bars in an attempt to get their roommates attention. "Pringles, we don't have time for this, why are you here?"

The snack fiend looks up at that, eyes darting between the two of them. "You mean, she hasn't told you guys?" He seemed nervous for a moment, his eyes darting back to the elevator as if just realizing that the two shouldn't be down here.

"It was like treason, I guess, dude. I'll be honest, the Director didn't believe me, nobody believes me, but like, somebody had me go all through the Bureau of Balance, y' know even the places I wasn't authorized to be, and then I just kinda woke up and I was in a place I wasn't supposed to be, and later the Director arrested me, uhm, summarily, and I've been down here ever since."

The two stare at him for a long moment, each absorbing what Pringles said. "You just woke up somewhere?" Taako is the first to say, disbelief dripping from his voice.

"See, you don't believe me!"

Magnus pushes Taako by the face, getting in front of him to look the prisoner in the eyes. "Where did you wake up, Pringles?"

"I don't know, man. It was dark, and there was this big ass vault there. I was kind disoriented, alarms were going off like crazy in there. oh, wait!" The human snaps his fingers, "I was in the Director's personal office and shit, I saw when they dragged me out of there!" He smiles at them as if waiting for them tell him good job. Neither did.

"Hey, uh," Pringles shift a bit, suddenly looking bashful. "Can you guys break me out of here?"

Magnus says, "Nope." the exact same time Taako says, "Sure!" Magnus gives Taako a look that says 'we're not committing any more crimes today.'. Taako just puts his hands up in surrender, backing up from the cage.

"We _can't_ , Pringles," Magnus stresses, giving Taako another look before switching back to Pringles. "I just need one more thing, do you remember anything from before your body started moving on its own?"

The man pauses, thinking about it for a moment. Taako can see him straining to recall anything at all before his face lights up. "I was in our bunk, you remember?"

"Yes."

"You remember the good times?" Pringles leans against the bars, grinning at Magnus.

  
"I _do_." Magnus groans, losing patience quickly and trying to ignore the giggling Taako in the background. "Focus up, please!"

  
" We played Cornhole?"

  
Magnus has resorted to banging his head against the bars. " I know– yes, I remember the Cornhole. We've only got like 3 minutes."

"I was just in our bunk, and you guys were out on a mission, n' I was real lonely, and then, my vision just kinda went red, and then the next thing I know I woke up."

Magnus and Taako glance at each other, both noticing the use of red.

"And that's it?" Taako asks, taking over for the exasperated Magnus.

" That's it! I hadn't had any Pringles that day, so I thought I was in maybe some sorta fugue state." Taako nods his head, accepting this as a totally real possibility that has happened before.

  
" Okay. Um, if anybody asks, We most definitely weren't here." Magnus pats the bars, rolling his eyes as he turns to Taako who has taken to throwing Pringles another Pringle can.

"Okay," He agrees, suitably plied with his snack of choice. " What happened to those guards upstairs?" He questions through a mouthful of chips.

  
Magnus starts, eyes going wide as his mouth opens and closes, looking for a good lie that would convince Pringles. Thankfully Taako steps in, "Oh they're still up there, totally fine, don't even worry about it. Gotta go!"

As they're walking away, they hear Pringles shout, " Oh! Okay!" He pauses before shouting even louder, "I miss— I miss us!

Taako just walks faster.

They both manage to get to the cannon hanger unaccosted, safe in the knowledge that no one knows they broke into the brig.

Until Lup cuts in.

"You know he still has his pocket boys, right?"

"Fuck!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next episode~
> 
> Chimera!
> 
> and boy death
> 
> but mostly CHimera!


	10. Lions,Dragons and Goats, oh my!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IS CHIMERA TIME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back baby!
> 
> Sorry it took so long, i was hitting a writers block and tried to fix it by rewriting and revising an old Danny Phantom Fic from when I was 16.
> 
> spoilers.... I'm 23

Taako nudged Magnus none too subtly, causing the big man to look offended and rub his arm in mock hurt.

"What?" He hissed-slash-whispered, his eyes warily watching everyone in the cannon room.

"We forgot about your pocket boys!" Taako hissed back, pointing to his pocket where the workshop sat. Magnus's face went slack in the realization that he's essentially kidnapped two people and now had no way of getting them out.

"Fuck."

"My thoughts exactly," The elf huffed, straightening up and smiling at Merle who looked a bit confused at the two.

"Merle, you got a spell that can rearrange memories?" Taako asked, knowing Merle knew them enough not to ask too many questions for plausible deniability.

"What for?" The cleric asked a bit too innocently for someone who fucks plants.

"Just for some... uh... boys... that need mind arranging..." Magnus attempted.

Merle thought for a moment, shrugging nonchalantly, "I mean, spell slots, man. We're going into some serious shit." He glanced at Magnus, who kept fidgeting and looking around as if The Director herself was about to pop out and yell at them.

"We could always do what we did in Gold Cliff," Merle suggests, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Both boys recoiled, thinking of a moment they both wished desperately to repress from Gold Cliff.

"Gross-eroni!" Taako exclaimed, sticking out his tongue and moving further away from the offended dwarf.

"I meant kill them!"

Magnus rushed over, slamming his palm over Merle's mouth and laughing nervously, "Old practical joker Merle!" He shouted out to no one in particular before flinching back and wiping his hand on his pants, glaring slightly at a miffed Merle.

" I uh... don't think I can kill them..." He whispered, looking askance at the thought of kidnapping then killing.

"I can!" Taako replied a bit too cheerily. Magnus sent him a half-hearted glare in return to which Taako just shrugged. " I mean, I could. I got a cool ass sword for a reason, might as well use it eventually."

Magnus longingly glanced at the sword before grumbling, "Don't remind me."

"Is this going to be an issue, Maggy?" Merle decided to but in, still stuck on the boy issue.

"Uh... possible. Might come up later. We'll know if it is..." He trails off as he watches Avi step into the room, his face lighting up at the sight of his three friends.

"Hey, guys!" He shouts from across the hanger before jogging to meet up with them, " I haven't seen you in a while, hows things been?" He grins, placing his hands on his hips as he takes them in.

They all answer in various forms of good, some much more lackluster than others which earns them a 'be cool' glare from Taako.

Avi just nods his head as he preps their cannonball for their trip, pressing a series of buttons before exclaiming, " Oh, shit! Going to Felicity WIlds, huh? Well, We're right above it, so you're gonna have to be quick on that brake, kay?" He sends a meaningful glance to Magnus, who looks a bit offended at being signaled out.

They file into the cannon one by one, Taako taking the brake seat before Magnus and sticking his tongue out at him like the fully mature elf he is.

"Ready to go?" They hear Avi call from outside the ball to which they all give thumbs up to.

They watch as the door slams shut behind them, the cannon being placed into its chamber before being slingshot out at high velocity which they were very used to at this point.

"I have to pee." Merle piped up.

"You pee in this bouncing ball, Merle, and I will personally wipe your memory." Taako intoned back, watching carefully as they neared the ever-increasing sight of the Felicity Wilds.

He pulled on the brakes as the ball skimmed the top of the trees, the cannon giving a shuttering jolt as it began its rickety descent before jolting to a sudden stop.

"Did we make it?" Magnus questioned, peeking out from between his fingers. Taako leaned towards the windows, letting out a low whistle at the drop below them.

"Not exactly, big guy." He patted the Human's shoulder in sympathy, shoving open the door with a quick kick and a smile. He gestured out with a bow to Merle, "Geriatrics first."

Merle grumbled the entire shuffle to the door, grabbing his broom from his back with a half-glare at Taako before just jumping straight out with a shout of "Hang Ten!"

The elf shook his head, "How am I the coolest member of this team? Oh, I know. Cause I can do this." He tosses his Umbra Staff to a startled Magnus and polymorphs into a bird, gliding the entire way down to Merle who waited for him at the bottom. "It's got feather fall!" He yells back up to the cannon after successfully changing back. Magnus looked between the umbrella and Taako, shrugging before leaning her against the side for a moment.

"Hold on, Lup. I got to deal with the boys." He mumbles, so only she could hear, even if she couldn't respond to him. He makes quick work of pulling the two very unconscious guards from his pocket workshop, even buckling them in for extra safety. "Fuck where did I put that pen and paper...." He mumbles to himself this time, rummaging through his rucksack for anything he could use.

Eventually, he finds a piece of paper, and pens out a quick note, tapping it to the Tiefling one. He stands back up, admiring his work before reaching for the Umbra Staff again.

"Tell Taako I put the boys in the cannon." He whispers to Lup, feeling only slightly silly whispering to a wan and looking over the edge to see Taako nodding. " And that I wrote a note for Lucretia." This time he sees Taako narrowing his eyes, giving the universal hand gesture for 'What The Fuck, Magnus.'

"What!" He whines to the staff, "We do have to talk! Shes gonna know about the heist, this gives us some time to think!"

"Come on, Maggy!" Merle yells, interpreting his lollygagging for fear, "It's not that far, I'm sure you can use Magic one time."

Magnus flips him off.

"Okay, Lup, please let me use Feather Fall. I really don't feel like dying right now." He whispers again, opening the umbrella without Taako's usual flourish and jumping.

Thankfully the Umbra Staff works as it should even with a Lich in it, letting the fighter use Feather Fall to land not too gracefully on the ground.

The trio looks up, watching the cannon unfurl its ballon to make its ascent upwards. Magnus glares at it, trying to imbue the note with as much coldness and standoffish attitude as he could possibly shove into a small paper.

And then it all comes crashing down with a single roar.

Magnus stares, slackjawed as the canon is swatted aside by a gigantic creature, crumbling onto the ground with a resounding crash too far away for Magnus to see, but loud enough for him to know that his now not-pocket boys probably didn't make it.

"Shit." 

"Hey," Merle tries to reassure, "At least no one was in it. And I doubt they can take that out of our paychecks."

"Less talk, more fight that fucking thing!" Taako shouts, snatching his wand form Magnus a leveling it with the ferocious beast that has now landed on the trees they crashed into and is letting out an ear-splitting roar.

At least two of its three heads are, the goat head is kinda bleating at them in what they assume is terrifying to grass.

Magnus reaches down, and none too subtly changes his defender's belt to fire.

"Think this is Wonderland?" Merle questions, trying to dodge out of the way of a shooting flame from the dragon head.

"If you can talk, you can cast!" Taako yells, grappling with the horns on the goat, though he's pretty sure it's actually a ram.

"Maybe if the fighter had the cool sword this would be over already!" Magnus shouts back, failing to move out of the way of the lion's teeth and getting nipped on the ass.

"You have other weapons!"

"Oh, right." Magnus leaps over the lion's head, bashing its nose in a bit with the handle of Rail-Splitter before chopping at the neck of the dragon head. The ax gets stuck halfway through so Magnus pulls out his Lance and launches it at the goat head, aiming true and landing it in one of its weird slitted eyes, much to its dismay.

"Out of weapons now!"

"Stop launching them, you big galoot!"

"Hold on, I got this!" Merle shouts at them, whipping out his Xtreme Teen Bible with a dramatic flourish. He ignores Taako's groan of dismay as he attempts to cast a healing spell on them.

Attempt is the keyword.

Merle knows he cast it. Knows that it should have healed them for 21 health points. Knows it like he knows the back of his not-cut-off hand.

But something goes wrong.

The divine Pan-y energy that is supposed to be behind is...not. It's there but damped. He glances at his book to the sky back down to his wooden arm, noticing the slightly wilted flowers that should be in full bloom.

"What the hell..." He mumbles to himself as Taako and Merle attack with renewed energy.

"Why won't this thing die!?" Magnus shouts as he rips out his ax and attempts to hack at the dragon head again, causing it to droop down as if dead. He turns to the lion head and roars back at it, the head rearing back slightly as if confused.

And then an arrow is sticking out of its eye.

It roars louder this time, thrashing the head back and forth, causing the Goat/possibly Ram if Taako is to be believed head to miss Merle completly. The Goat/Ram head bleats indignantly, trying now to go for Magnus before it too has an arrow poking out of its eyes where the Chance Lance wasn't. It too drops, the lion head the only one still going, through bad bleeding and sight diminished.

"Hawkeye?" Taako questions, looking around for where these life-saving arrows could possibly be coming from.

"Hawkeye can eat my ass!" Magnus replies as he finished the Chimera off with a clean cut through it's remaining head. "Dude with an ax always wins."

"I don't think any of the Fantasy Avengers have an ax..." Merle ponders, putting his book back with a nervous look.

"I think Thor got one, at the end of that last movie," Magnus says as he hops down from where he climbed on top of the Chimera if only to gloat for a moment.

"Spoilers!"Taako cries, covering his ears and turning his head from the movie-ruining fighter only to come face to face with a rather confused party of three staring at them with strange looks on their face.

"Hail and well meet!" He waves at the gruff half-elf, nature aesthetic wood elf, and super-rich looking, young Human.

"Oh, shit." Taako hears Magnus whisper to a confused Merle.

"Oh, shit?"

The rich Human, scrunches his nose at them, watching them with a thinly veiled contempt. Suddenly it hits Taako where he's seen that look before, it was at one of his shows before it got canceled by way of mass-poisoning.

He was in the presence of Lord Artemis Sterling, Ruler of Neverwinter and the most powerful man in Faerun. And that rat-bastard hadn't liked his food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i didn't change too much from the actual scene tbh, just added some communication through Lup and Taako automatically not liking Sterling cause he hated his food. That's just some flavor text, I wanted Taako to have a reason for knowing who Sterling was. and him not liking his food felt poifect.
> 
> also i shortened the battle. It went on forever and I'm not the best at writing fight scenes.......
> 
> also thinking about making a discord for this fic, not sure yet, tell me what ya'll think about it


	11. Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artemis sucks, Taako would rather be dealing with the Chimera then this man-baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my lovelies!
> 
> finally I have them going to wonderland, they even make it the actual building this time!

"Did you follow us!?" The nasally voiced Lord demanded, causing Taako to narrow his eyes even further. "Have you been following us this whole time?" The Lord looks to his companions, seemingly enraged by this, the half-elf man looks unaffected by this, and the elven woman seems too preoccupied with staring at Merle's arm to care if they were followed.

"No?" Magnus half says-half questions, looking to his own companions. DId they follow this dude here?

"No." Taako shuts it down immediately, crossing his arms and glaring at the little Lord.

"Then what brings you to Felicity Wilds?" He demands again, crossing his own arms petulantly, attempting to stare down the three reclaimers.

"A bubble." Merele helpfully tells him, pointing in the vague direction of where they heard the crash. The half-elf follows his finger and looks to the area, eyes going wide at the smoke rising from what they can assume is a smoldering ball of flame now.

"Or did you mean -this is a common communication error- what our goal here is or what literally brought us here?" Magnus tried to help, noticing the increasingly frustrated look on the young Lord's face.

"Your goal! What is your goal here!" The boy all but shouts, his female companion gently putting a hand on his shoulder as if to calm him. The Lord shrugs it off with disdain and a look that says he will disinfect his shoulder the second he can.

"Not to follow you." Merle snides, taking a cue from Taako and crossing his arms with a glare.

"Ya know, the thing," Magnus ever so helpfully continues, blissfully ignoring his compatriots' attitude towards Sterling, "The Wonderland thingy."

At that Lord Artemis Sterling stands up straighter, his body almost going ramrod straight at the mention of Wonderland. His eyes narrow as he looks over the three again. "Turn back now and leave these woods. Don't follow us again, or I will have my mercenaries kill you."

"I said we weren't following you!"

Taako feels the echo invade his mind again, the tell-tale sign Lup was about to speak, "Well, he's a dick." He could hear her disdain dripping from her tone, almost imagining her narrowing her eyes at Lord Sterling from inside her umbrella prison.

"Tell me about it," He mumbled back, ignoring the look Merle gave him.

The little Lords mercenaries didn't particularly seem like they were going to hold up their part of the deal, looking at each other and smiling while shaking their heads at his antics. The half-elf stepped forward, ignoring the squawk of indignation from Sterling.

"Are you guys mercs?" He asked, smiling at them and looking them over, having decided that even if they weren't, they looked the part well enough.

"uh..." Began Merle.

"Sort of?" Magnus attempted to finish.

"Close enough to what we are. Yea we're mercs!" Taako actually finished, smiling at the man who seemed friendly enough.

"I mean, "Magnus scratched his chin," I'm a level ten fighter and a level two rouge, merc is an accurate description."

The half-elf perked up, grinning at Magnus, "Oh cool! I'm a level 14 ranger!"

"Nice! High five!" Magnus and the man high fived, each trying to hit the other's hand as hard as possible in a show of macho-ness, ending with both shaking their hands at the unnecessarily hard hand slap that left their own stinging.

Taako shook his head in mock annoyance at the ridiculousness of it all, noticing from the edge of his vision the elf woman leaning towards Lord Sterling.

"Listen," She began, trying to reason with the petulant child, "There's no need for us to fight about anything. We're all going to Wonderland, and if we stick with these three, the next chimera will be easier to deal with." She gave him a smile a parent would give to a child when explaining a simple concept.

"No!" He yelled, actually stomping his foot and getting everyone else's attention, "I don't want to travel with them! They could be using us to get to Wonderland and then kill us!" The Lord shook a pendant he pulled from inside his robe, a white light streaming from it horizontally and leading off further into the woods.

"I'm going to steal that," Taako mumbled to Lup, knowing she couldn't see it, but wanting her to know all the same he was going to rob this rat bastard all the same.

He heard a deep echoey sigh, "As long as you get his shoes too, why not?" 

"Specific, but hell yeah I'm stealing this dude's shoes."

"Hey look short pants," Magnus interrupted, side-eyeing Taako as if to tell him to stop muttering around the people with sharp hearing, "Let the adults handle this, okay?"

Lord Artemis Sterling stood there sputtering, hand pulled to his chest in indignation at the gall of Magnus, "Excuse me?!" He yelled, voice cracking and showcasing his age more than any of his other actions, "Do you know who I am?!"

Magnus looked to Merle who shrugged the to Taako, who began studying his immaculate fingernails as if to show he had more important things to do then deal with a childish Lord.

"I know who you are, I just don't care," Taako smirked as he looked to Sterling seeing his face grow red at the disrespect he was being shown.

"How-How dare you! I am Lord Artemis Sterling of Neverwinter!" He turned to the elf, half whispering, "And I don't want to travel with them! We don't know them!"

"Listen," Taako stepped forward, placing his hands up in the universal sign for peace, "We're totally going to use you, but we're not going to kill you. We have a strict possibly against kid killing."

"Except for Angus."

"Merle, for the last time, stop trying to help. You're the only one okay with killing him, I'm busy using him."

Artemis looked at them critically, his mercenaries chuckling at their antics.

"I like these guys." The half-elf concluded, "Let's just go with them. Sterling, you gotta trust me on this. You hired us to get you through these woods, and that means using all the resources at your disposal, and these boys look like good resources." He pats the Lord on his back, causing him to stumble slightly and glare at him, before walking towards them again and pulling out something from his pack, " Hey, do you guys want some jerky?"

"Awh fuck yea!" Magnus shouts, hopping over to the man to look at his jerky array. "Hey, what's your name, friend?" He asks through a mouth full of some of the rabbit jerky.

"I'm Rowan, I live in these woods, and I'm trying to help the boy-king here," He shoves a thumb back at Sterling who doesn't look happy at them getting buddy-buddy, "get to Wonderland."

"Rowan I think we're going to be BFFs, should we come up with a secret handshake?"

"Fuck yeah!"

Taako watches as the two perform an off the cuff fourteen step handshake including them kicking their legs out between the legs of the other in perfect synchronicity. "What the fuck?" He whispers to himself in awe as they conclude it with a simple fistbump and some loud cheering at what they just did.

Suddenly the girl elf is in front of him, grabbing at Merle's arm without so much as a hello and examining it with as much intensity as one could with a wooden arm.

"Are you part Dryad?" She ask-demands with awe in her voice, her eyes sparkling at the mere thought of meeting a half-tree person. Taako resolves to send her towards Gold Cliff once this was over, she'd get a kick out of the Lesbian Tree.

"Uh, no. You ever hear of a green thumb?" She nods, eyes going wide in wonder, "This is that gone bad." He chuckles as she drops the arm quickly, almost scared for a moment it'd catch, "Nah, I'm playing, my god, Pan, he, uh, allowed this to happen." He shakes the wood arm, ignoring the slightly wilted flowers on it.

"Ah," She smiles slightly, seeming disappointed at that, "Was kinda hoping it was a dryad situation..." She trails off, eyeing it again.

Merle shrugs, not really able to help his not-a-dryad-situation. "Just a cut off arm situation."

Magnus sends Merle a small glare.

"Is he ever going to stop bringing that up?" Lup whispers into Taako's mind, amusement coloring her tone.

"Nope." He replies, popping his p and ignoring the look the half-elf and Merle gave him. Just cause they can't hear her doesn't mean he has to be rude and not respond to his quasi-friend but mostly prisoner.

He heard her scoff, the sound echoing through her home. "Still a drama queen through and through."

He elected to ignore that to point to the mercenaries charge who was now charging through the woods alone. "Hey, ya'll might want to follow him." He calls out to the two. Rowen looks to where he's pointing before letting out a curse.

"Mother fu-Lord Artemis!" He shouts out, running to catch up with the fleeing -as he called him- boy king.

Magnus looks to the woman who stayed behind, "We should follow them, shouldn't we?"

"Only if we actually want to get to Wonderland. "

The four quickly hurry after the merc and boy, catching up to them relatively easily being Artemis got stuck on a branch somehow.

Magnus and Rowen manage to get the kid off the branch, much to his displeasure. He huffs at the fighter before picking up his glowing pendant, checking to make sure they were following the light before setting off again, this time actually followed by the people he hired and the three they picked up.

"So," Taako began, sliding up to Lord Artemins and trying to subtly eye the pendant, "What's up with the light show?"

The Lord, in turn, glared at the wizard, clutching the item closer to his chest, "It's-It's none of your business!" Taako just raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him, causing him to sigh, bringing the pendant slightly further away from his body to gesture to it, "It's our way to Wonderland if you must know."

"So we just follow your Care Bear Stare you got kicking there, and it'll get us safely there?"

The boy paused, probably thinking of the chimera they crossed, "That's the idea," he finally said through a deep sigh.

Taako walks away from him with a thoughtful hum, saddling up to Merle who was walking by himself since Antonia, he learned her name was, left to go talk to Rowen away from the not-dryad.

"Do I want to ask why you're being nice to the kid all of a sudden?" The Dwarf asks, dreading the question.

"I'm gonna steal his pendant and his shoes." Taako simply said, watching with a smile at Merle's reaction. The holy man stumbled, clutched his head for a moment before giving Taako a serious case of side-eye.

"What is with you and shoes?"

The elf hummed again, "hm, well everyone's gotta have trophies." Merle just sent him another look, "Oh, what you're telling me the flowers you kept from Gold Cliff wasn't like a trophy?"

"It was to remember them by! It's not like plants have speaking stones!"

"Gross, gross forget I asked about your proverbial botty calls!"

"Only proverbial if it doesn't get you of-"

"Boys!" They looked up to Antonia, who seemed excited. Taako hoped it wasn't about Merle getting off to plants. He gets shes a druid, but there have to be lines one doesn't cross, "We're here." She pulled back some foliage, revealing a rather underwhelming site.

They stepped into a clearing, other beams of light breaking through all sides of the forest leading directly to a towering cylindrical building surrounded by floodlights shining off the black and white sides. It was shaped similar to a circus tent and was encircled by billboards all along each dirt path leading up to the building.

"Is it bad I expected more?" Taako mutters.

"Finally!" Artemis exclaims, rushing forward and doggedly followed by Rowen and Antonia, who each slow down to read billboards.

Taako saunters after them and finally notice why the boards stopped them in their tracks. They each had one with their names on it.

Rowen stared at one that said, "Carmine's Collar" and showed a simple leather band. He smiled sadly at it, reaching out to touch it before pulling his hand away quickly.

Antonia stood frozen in front of one that showed a gnarled peice of wood shaped into an anatomically correct heart with the words, "The Heart of The Forest" printed next to it. She let out a small huff of laughter, "I didn't think I would have one..." SHe moved forward to follow Artemis, but her eyes stayed trained on the heart.

Artemis himself breezed past the one with his own name on it, ignoring the silvery vial with the words "Miracle Milk" in large letter near it. 

"do you think it's milk that makes him grow big and strong?" Taako mused, smiling when he heard both Lup and Magnus snort out a burst of laughter.

"Hey, boys?"

Taako turned to Merle, who looked pale and pointed to a billboard with their own names printed on it. The same image they saw on Lucretia's flyer stood in front of them, in all its bell glory.

"This is a trap, right?" Magnus asked when he got close enough to see.

"Oh, deff," Taako replied.

Magnus looked at Taako worryingly before glancing at the little Lord who was strolling to the building like everything was fine, and he wasn't headed to his death.

He rushed away from his friends to pull on Rowen, his shout of surprise getting the attention of Artemis and Antonia who both looked at Magnus as if he was crazy.

"Look, you know this is all a huge trap, right?" Magnus blurted out, his eyes darting to Sterling who looked pissed at being stopped so close to his goal. "Like, you're going to die if you go in?"

Rowne lets out a nervous laugh, his own darting to the billboard with his name written on it. " I mean, of course, it is. But the money's good. And now that I know the collar's in there? I... I can't not go in there, Mag. I need that collar." He pleaded with the fighter, hoping to get across how much he didn't care anymore that it was a death trap.

Magnus just sighed, letting go of the ranger. "Fine, just... be careful."

Rowen pats him on the back, "I will, we got more jerky stories to tell, buddy." With that, he turns back to his charge, heading over to the building with squared shoulders.

The three reclaimers watch as the whole building turns, a black rectangle slowly stopping in front of their new friends, with all three of their names showing up on it. A portion of the wall slides away without a sound revealing a door leading into a void like expanse.

Sterling steps in first, ignoring the reclaimers with not even a goodbye. Rowen goes to step in but stops. "Oh, wait! In case you guys get hungry!" He pulls out his bag of jerky, running back to Magnus to shove a bunch into his hands. "Stay safe."

Magnus glances down at the food, before quickly shoving it into his bag and reaching to pull something out of his own. He quickly hands a carved duck to the ranger, "For you. Stay safe yourself."

Rowen smiles, lifting up the duck in a salute. "See you on the other side." He says before heading into the black abyss. Antonia waves goodbye before following after her two party members.

"Welp, We're not seeing them again." Merle plainly says, earning a sock in the arm from Magnus before Taako lets out an exasperated groan

"Fuck! I didn't even get to steal his shoes!" 

"What is with you and shoes?" Magnus asked

"That's what I said!"

Taako ignores them, pouting as the walls begin rotating again before stopping in front of them again, this time with Taako, Magnus and Merle written on the top. Part of the wall disappears again, leaving an open space into the inky black darkness, a gaping mouth waiting for them to step in.

"Pan, We're all gonna die."

Merle gets another punch.

"Welp, after you." Taako gestures to the door, hoping the other two would go in first and he'd be in the clear to fuck off and never think about the death trap that obviously awaited them.

To no one's surprise, Magnus rushes in. Taako raises an eyebrow at Merle who sighs and waddles in after the Human. "Sayonara, bitches." The wizard says to no one, turning to leave them to their fate.

"Are you really going to leave them?" The echoey voice asks, her tone for some reason incredibly disappointed with an undercurrent of sadness. Taako groaned out loud, lifting his umbrella.

"Of, fucking course, I'm leaving them! I know you can't see it, but this place screams death! I go in there, and it's no more Taako! You'll be stuck in there till the next shmuck decides to pick you up. And I doubt they'll be much of a conversationalist." 

There was silence from the Umbra Staff, her displeasure at all of this radiating even through whatever prison she was stuck in. "One," She began, her voice boarding on anger now, " you leave them, and it's no more Merle or Magnus? You think they'll be able to survive without in there? Two, I won't let anyone else pick me up. You die, Taako, I might as well be dead." Her voice got significantly softer as she said that, the sorrow returning full force at the thought of his death.

He stared at his staff for a moment, trying to parse through why she should care so much about him dying. And why his heart broke a little at her undeniably grief ridden tone.

"You suck." He said instead, turning back around to walk through what he was sure was going to be his doom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Lup is like Taako's conscience in this, like his own Jiminy cricket.
> 
> without Lup in his life we all so he was very self serving, look out for numero uno. I think Lup recognizes most of that is because he thought he was alone his whole life. WHich is why she's so pissed at Lucretia and why she kinda hates the way he acts now. Thus she has appointed herself his conscience

**Author's Note:**

> Taako Voice: MY BRAAANNDD


End file.
